The 5 emotional intelligence competencies you need to have

The term “emotional intelligence” (EI) became widespread in the 1990s when researchers Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer published a report on its importance, and psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote the New York Times best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

In the decades following, the concept made its way into business school curriculums, countless TED talks and podcasts, and reference books (Cambridge English Dictionary defines EI as “the ability to understand the way people feel and react and to use this skill to make good judgments and to avoid or solve problems”).

However, remember that emotional intelligence is not something you have or lack. It consists of several competencies, and individuals are often more robust in some areas than others. Work to improve your weaker areas and experience the profound effects it can have.

Let’s break down the five emotional intelligence competencies and see how each bolsters the work environment:

Self-awareness

Self-aware individuals know their internal state. They recognize their feelings and the effects of their mood on themselves and others. Such information promotes mental well-being through the ability to identify what’s going on inside oneself. It also improves relationships because emotional self-awareness promotes better action.

For instance, realizing that you came to work cranky today because of an argument with your teenager last night might lead you to decide a relaxing lunch-hour walk is better for your nerves than hanging out with chatty colleagues.

Accurate self-assessment allows people to understand their strengths, weaknesses, and limits. This knowledge boosts self-confidence through recognition of capabilities and how you add value.

It also allows constructive criticism to be taken as helpful to self-improvement rather than as an attack. And understanding limitations can assist with setting boundaries, such as knowing when to say “no” instead of instigating burnout.

Perhaps a good way to comprehend how self-awareness affects office life is to consider this example of what can happen when someone lacks this important emotional intelligence: Jeannie Assimos, head of content at Way.com, notes that a negative employee at a previous company routinely disrupted the team.

“She had no self-awareness that her constant complaining about work and the company was affecting everyone around her to the point where it started interfering with project deadlines. People didn’t want to deal with her, so they would put her off as long as possible.”

Strengthening self-awareness starts with introspection. Reflect on how you feel at different times and in various situations. Examine behavior accompanying emotions and evaluate if healthier, more productive actions exist.

Self-regulation

Following self-awareness, self-regulation deals with how one feels inside and gets expressed outside. We’ve all heard there’s a time and a place for everything. Good self-regulators take the adage to heart.

They don’t bottle up their emotions but realize they cannot just willy-nilly say or do what they want without possible consequences.

Employers prize effective self-regulators for their ability to control disruptive emotions and impulses. Their self-control promotes a calmer environment that encourages focus, productivity, and civil relations.

Workers high in this aspect of emotional intelligence also often excel at adaptability. They handle change without negative emotions such as anger or fear taking over or clouding judgment. They present concerns rationally and encourage others to do the same.

Sergio Diaz, CEO of the Motivational Speaker Agency, is among the leaders who appreciate team members capable of self-management. His company books high-profile speakers for business conferences and seminars.

“When producing events, they never go according to plan,” he notes. “Many quick pivots and negotiations require our employees to be cool, calm, and collected. More importantly, we have many demanding clients who are sometimes not the nicest.”

“This requires that our employees be very diplomatic and manage their emotions well. Things can go south quickly if they take things personally, get triggered, or stress out.”

To improve self-regulation skills, try pausing before reacting. These “extra beats” allow time to gain composure and evaluate action, as harsh words and behavior can be challenging to reverse.

Excusing oneself for a moment to cool off or asking to meet with an offensive colleague in private are two positive ways of handling a tense situation.

Motivation

Motivated individuals possess a high achievement orientation and an internal desire to succeed. While external rewards are nice, there are other sources of satisfaction. Instead, motivated people commit to a standard of excellence for its own sake.

Their drive and positive outlook in the face of obstacles and setbacks encourage teamwork and a sense of what’s possible if everyone remains optimistic and committed to shared goals.

Motivation is one of the EI competencies most useful in leadership roles. Managers influence their direct reports through their attitude. Inspirational leadership creates a sense of purpose, the confidence to fix problems, and a desire to exceed expectations.

To increase your motivation, think about aspects of your job that you truly enjoy and the feelings they generate. Draw inspiration from them. Another tactic is to observe motivated people around you.

What do they do or say that gives them a special spark and draws others to them? Make such actions valuable additions to your own behavioral arsenal.

Empathy

Empathy involves two crucial components. The first is recognizing what others are feeling and experiencing. The second is responding based on this information. Empathetic individuals often possess excellent listening skills and can pick up on cues.

They use what they hear and see to understand someone else’s state better. Then, they act accordingly, which might mean anything from lending a hand to an overwhelmed colleague to allowing a frustrated client to vent to leaving a boss in a lousy mood alone.

Because this aspect of emotional intelligence involves being in tune with others, experts sometimes call it “social awareness.”

When thinking about empathy at work, interaction with customers is frequently the first thing that comes to mind. Empathetic employees relate well to clients because they can sense others’ feelings, anticipate concerns, and see things from another person’s perspective.

This talent comes in handy in various situations, from better conflict management with an irate consumer to figuring out exactly what would satisfy a buyer and land a deal.

Empathy beyond customer service

However, empathy’s worth is not limited to the sales or service industries. Percy Grunwald, co-founder of Compare Banks, notes, “Empathy is particularly valuable in any workplace because it allows employees to build strong relationships with their colleagues.”

“When employees can put themselves in another person’s shoes, they are more likely to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and collaborate effectively. In addition, employees who demonstrate empathy are more likely to be trusted by their colleagues and viewed as valuable team members.”

Likewise, empathetic leaders draw the best out of each team member by seeing and feeling things through their lens. Such awareness makes employees feel valued and can assist with company retention by sensing what actions will satisfy a top performer.

Empathy also helps with decision-making and teamwork. Instead of looking out for themselves, empathic leaders consider their choices in light of what they will mean for others.

Social skills

Workplaces thrive when people interact and communicate effectively. This final aspect of emotional intelligence is a catch-all for various abilities contributing to harmonious coexistence.

Some experts call social skills “friendliness with a purpose.” Being cordial to others creates a positive atmosphere, but social skills surpass the niceness.

For starters, people with good social skills are aware of social norms. These include looking people in the eye when talking, not interrupting, respecting personal space, monitoring tone, and smiling when greeting someone. Such behaviors create a comfortable environment.

Beyond etiquette: Influencing and inspiring

Beyond comprehension of social rules, socially skilled individuals are proficient at eliciting desirable responses from others. They grasp how to use their words and actions to negotiate, inspire, and persuade.

They nurture relationships, calm or resolve disagreements, and promote cooperation. Situations run smoother because they know how to find common ground and make those around them feel important and heard.

Social skills are obviously an important part of leadership development. Anyone looking to improve in this area of emotional intelligence can gain from improving their active listening.

Give others your full attention, ask questions, and try understanding their viewpoint. Your interest and ability to navigate give and take boost the likelihood of positive outcomes.

More resources:
The necessity of emotional intelligence in the workplace New tab icon
Emotional intelligence coaching strategies for employees New tab icon
Workplace etiquette: The ultimate guide to professionalism New tab icon