Question: “I’m new at my job and love my position and the people I work for. The problem is my co-worker, who sits next to me. She is making it obvious she just does not like me. At first I thought she was quiet, so I tried to engage her in small talk. She would respond in very short sentences. When I ask for help she says she doesn’t know or pretends she doesn’t hear, though she sits only four feet away! She goes days with out speaking to me, unless absolutely necessary. With other employees she laughs, jokes, helps them out and is kind to them. Why does she treat me so differently? I have tried to be kind and professional and she acts like I am not even here. Please help.” —Anonymous
I had a boss and a co-worker that behaved that way – we were the only three women in the office and they would talk about me behind my back (they thought I didn’t know). I literally made up a song about how I hated it and would hum it in front of them, it gave me the small satisfaction of knowing I was talking smack and they had no clue. Our VP promoted me and demoted his own daughter to my previous position and I took the heat for that. Thank goodness she graduated from college shortly after and the gossip stopped but about a year later we got another new receptionist and she became buddy, buddy with my boss who by then had become “friends” with me. Unfortunately for my boss she didn’t know this lady was nuts and I mean nuts … would curse me out as soon as my boss left the office over simple things like labeling the FedEx that was going to our corporate office.
Well, my boss didn’t believe me/the temp girl and (the temp had been there a year) we both ended up walking out on my boss and leaving her with psycho girl whom she turned around and fired two weeks later when she realized we were right. Psycho girl then tried to get my boss fired and a whole lot of apologies came my way but by then i was already offered a job with better pay and better benefits… glad I stuck it out for the experience but it was my satisfaction for taking their snotty attitudes for that long.
So look on the bright side maybe they are moving you in to push her out and she wont be there long or maybe you will learn a lot there and move on to something totally bigger and better.
If you just started, it has nothing to do with you personally. It may be that she applied for your position and didn’t get it, that a friend or coworker applied and didn’t get it, or she was close to the person you replaced and somehow is transferring that loss to you. Find a quiet, private time and ask her if you have done something to offend her. If she says no, then there is not much you can do but hope the situation changes as she gets to know you.
JulieDexter
I hate to admit it but I was the one in my old office giving the silent treatment. I was so frustrated and everything I did was twisted and turned to make me look bad to my manager. Even though I was one step up the ladder and the supervisor of this person she would run to the manager if I did not give her everything she wanted. The manager would suggest giving in to her because she had 20 years in and deserved some special treatment for it. She was very manipulative and sneaky and caused a lot of problems with other personell. It was just easier to speak to her only when I needed to and not give her any more information or ammunition than I could.
I work with a person in our office area that annoys me. Therefore, I have little communication with her. She is the ‘Walmart Greeter’ to everyone that passes up/down the hall. She wants to know the scoop on confidential information and seeks her ‘office friends’ to find out. I have a very demanding job working for the 2nd person in charge. I have many people scheduling appointments, work with many committees and in charge of high priority projects. I don’t have time for interruptions caused by her and her gossip friends. I keep on task by being as professional as possible. If she becomes to loud with her laughter, etc. I have the opportunity to close my door most of the way — that sends a strong signal. Most people should be lucky they have a job and try to not only do their job but find ways to go above and beyond to benefit all.
I have always went by the rule to confront the problem head on. Ask her to have a lunch meeting with you and hash out what the problem really is about. You may find out that she is upset with your boss for not placing her in that position, or……………….. it may not be you.
Four feet is awfully close to have to deal with this. If you spot an empty desk elsewhere, you might suggest that it could be a more productive space for you because it is closer to the boss’s office or (said without irony) because it is “quieter” there.
I was in a similar position several years ago and I found out that the reason the person didn’t speak to me was that I was her replacement and she was not happy about it. I had no idea when I was hired and it made things very uncomfortable. When I found out that I was her replacemet I spoke to her about it and it helped a little but she eventually left the company. I know how uncomfortable it is and I wish you luck.
I wouldn’t take it personally, sometimes you meet people that you just don’t like and people you do like.. you unfortunately may be in her avenue of don’t like. Don’t take it personally, it’s her loss, it’s got nothing to do with you and once you make yourself immune to this…you can focus on your job and the people that are open to your kindness. We don’t have to like each other, just respect one another. Good luck, it will all work out in the long run.
I agree with Angela and Debbie…there might have been some issues prior to you accepting the position which is causing her to behave in such manner. I would directly approach her and ask her why she is behaving that way. Let her know that whatever issues transpired prior to you accepting the position has nothing to do with you and that she is making your work environment unpleasant and unprofessional. I would gently remind her that you should be judged on your current professional merits and that the ball is in her court to rectify. If this fails, you have the option to speak with your supervisor or ignore her childish behavior and wow the rest of the staff with your professionalism. Either way, you have the upper hand on the outcome. Keep your chin up and smile thru adversity….it will confuse her even more! Good luck!
Talk to her directly about it in the same manner you described above. Keep it friendly and professionally oriented and stress that you’d like to make sure you haven’t unintentionally done something to offend her. Keep being polite and treating her in the same friendly manner. Best of luck!
I too was recently hired into a new position and have recently the cold treatment from one of the co-workers, not rude but not going out of her way to be helpful. I then found from reviewing some paperwork that the position I now hold was originally hers. As long as you can do your job in an effect way let it go. Say your mornings and good byes and leave it alone she will do two things either warm up to you or not but it is not your problem.
I had the same situation happen to me in one of my jobs. I found out much later that it had to do with the person who had my job immediately before me; apparently, my predecessor thought it was her responsibility to “spy” on people and tattle back to the boss. When she left and I took the job, some people (mistakenly) assumed I would be the same way (not true, of course!). I just stayed professional, was as friendly as possible, and eventually won them over.
My suspicion is that your co-worker probably applied for your job, but wasn’t selected. If so, she probably resents you — it’s not personally about you, she probably wouldn’t have liked anyone who was hired for the job! Just keep your spirits up, remain friendly, keep cultivating other friendships with the company, and I bet it will blow over.
To Charlean Souligne: My cubemate also has told me that I speak too loudly in our little space. I went straight to human resources and said that she was bothering me too with a lot of people coming over and then gossiping about other people in the office. After HR talked to her, she is now rarely at her desk because is busy gossiping at other people’s desks.
I was at my company for 2 years before we switched offices and I wound up next to my new cubemate (who is a gossip and has a big mouth). After countless times of saying good morning, see you tomorrow and speaking first, I just gave up and started not even talking to her. It’s now been 6 months and it doesn’t bother me in the least. In fact, it’s nice not to say hello to a person who I know doesn’t like me (for whatever reason). Next time she says something to you, just ignore her and try to face your computer away from her so you can pretend that you didn’t hear her.
She probably has issues with you getting that job. You might figure out what those issues are, or you may never know. I’m not sure talking to her about it will help, since she doesn’t want to speak to you. She might even use her silence as a control tool; if she knows its important to you to be friends she may resist just to maintain control of the situation. Some people are like that.
I think the best solution is to just be as nice and professional as you can, and let her be. Be prepared to talk if it looks like she is ready for it. Be prepared to be friends. Don’t do anything personal against her. But don’t let yourself get distressed over it. It is a waste of your time, and she may feel like she “won” if she makes you upset. If she sees that giving you the silent treatment doesn’t hurt you, or help her, she may stop doing it. Be friendly with everyone else too and make friends when you can, but don’t make it a competition. Don’t let it become a tug-of-war for friends. The problem isn’t you. Just be the bigger person and do the best job you can. You may eventually become good friends with her, but if not, you will still be the “winner”.
Maybe it has something to do with who you favor in the office. There is a new person in my office who spends all of her time with the office snitch and gossip queen. We are all avoiding this new person because we know the snitch is “coaching” the new person to be just like her — since she has no other friends in the department. This way she will have at least one person who talks to her. It is kind of the “guilt by association” thing. Sad, but could be true.
I had the same environment 4 years ago. What worked for me was to continue to be polite and ask questions. Eventually this person will come around. Sounds like she is just not firendly right away,she is just feeling you out.. It will work out and you two maybe best buds. Stay yourself and do your job and just keep it cordial.
I would agree completely with Joyce’s suggestions.
Continue to treat your co-worker in a kind and professional manner. If she does not change her attitude, just say it is her loss. You may have been hired on to relieve some of her work load. If so, she probably realizes that you were and is intimidated by you. Keep being pleasant and do your work to the best of your ability.
Joyce
You can ask her if you’ve done something to offend her since she treats you so differently from others. If she says no, then you can only continue to be pleasant and professional. Maybe your new job took something away from her; if so not much you can do other than maybe be apathetic and realize it’s not about you. How she behaves is on her, and maybe you should count your blessings. It’s better to find out what people are truly like in the beginning instead of bonding, and finding out later they are not the type you’d want to be around. Take it to the boss if you feel it is hampering your performance not to complain, but maybe to get a better understanding; otherwise you don’t have to like/be like, you just have to find a peaceful way of being able to work with them. And, time sometimes just work these things out.
My office-mate and I have worked together for over 10 years. We say Good morning and goodbye most of the time. Unless it is a work-related issue, I try not to “interrupt” her. She has told me on occasion, that I am too much into my family, and they call too much. I have reduced my personal calls to a minimum, but her “perwsonal calls stll go on for unlimited times. double standards. So we make nice every morning and every evening and do our work during the day. it works, but sometimes, i go seek other people on break or lucnchtime jsut to speak to a live poerson.
I agree it my fear, her role might have changed when you came on board, no fault of yours it is what you hired for. As time goes on the barrier will more than likley crumble but it may take time be kind and friendly.
I agree with Angela. Ask her if you offended her in any way. I’m also wondering if she applied for the same position and was turned down. Even though this is no fault of yours, sometimes people can be bitter. Perhaps ask her if she would like to go for break with you or lunch, this way you can clear the air and get to know what might be bothering her.
I agree with Barbara that she probably feels threatened. Give it time and keep treating her as you would like to be treated as “abm” says above.
When I was hired on my current position (15 years ago) there was one other person in the office who thought she had the job hands down. When she wasn’t successful, she gave me the cold shoulder and was no help to me at all either. She had been the relief person on the position, so she knew the job, but always said she didn’t know.
I just used the old “kill ’em with kindness” routine on her and she eventually came around. Try not to take it personally. Good luck.
Remember first and foremost that this is not your issue it is hers. She may have wanted the job you got or there may be some other reason, but either way, continue to show her kindness and overlook her bad behavior. Have you thought about asking her to lunch? I’ve been in similar situations, and I have found that killing them with kindness is the best way to get a cold fish to warm up.
It could be that the position was open because someone else left (maybe voluntarily, maybe let go). If your coworker was good friends with someone who held your position before, she may put her frustrations at losing a friend onto you. I agree with the poster who said be honest and ask her. Tell her you were hoping for a cordial, professional relationship and hope that the two of you can achieve that. One concern is, do you cover for each other if one of you is out (sick or vacation)? If so, it is important that you communicate. It’s in her best interest to at least be nice.
It seems like something may have been going on prior to your getting the job. For example, you may have earned the job she expected a friend to get or she may be threatened by your work ethic. One person in particular that I can think of is in this position…years have passed and regardless of what she has tried, the situation remains the same. She has tried allowing the person to feel superior, tried to be friendly, talked to the boss and confrontated the person but none of this has worked. Although, it is a very frustrating position to be in, you need to understand this is not your problem. What ever your coworker has decided is the issue, she has also decided to handle it in an immature manner and I don’t think you can do anything to change how she thinks since you don’t know what’s going on in her mind. You can continue to be pleasant but you also need to stay above the level she is at. Should it escalate to where she is compromising your work, then you need to let your boss know after you have documented incidences. I wish you the best and hope you do not let her impact how much you enjoy the job.
Sounds to me like there were some issues prior to you coming on board. I would wonder if you were delegated some of her work or maybe doing part of what she used to do that she really liked. Unless it was directly affecting the work that you do, I would just let it be. If you are unable to work with her acting like that, I would take this issue to the manager to see if she could mediate a meeting for both of you. Unless there is a written rule in your workplace about being friendly with coworkers, she can be as quiet as she wants. If it is inhibiting your ability to do your work, that’s different. Best of luck!
You were not hired to be concerned with making friends. In the long run you just might find that you are glad that your only form of communication has been hi and goodbye. On another note, you might not even know what has been going on with her or what she is going through. Maybe this person just might not be open to making any new friends at this time.
It is very common, even in a friendly office environment. She probably feels threatened. Most positions are filled because there is more work than there is workers. Somebody new has come in and they are doing some of the things that current workers have been doing.
Be honest and ask her if something is wrong or if you’ve done something to upset her. Explain what you’ve noticed in her behaviour and would like to know if you’ve done something wrong. She just may not be comfortable with you as yet. She knows the other employees, therefore is friendly with them. I had the same thing happen and once I approached my neighbor things were fine. Good luck!
Not everyone is going to like you all of they time. But continue to treat her as you would want to be treated.
It may not be you. It might be the person you work for. I have worked in places before where people didn’t like my supervisor so they didn’t like me. This maybe your problem.
I had a boss and a co-worker that behaved that way – we were the only three women in the office and they would talk about me behind my back (they thought I didn’t know). I literally made up a song about how I hated it and would hum it in front of them, it gave me the small satisfaction of knowing I was talking smack and they had no clue. Our VP promoted me and demoted his own daughter to my previous position and I took the heat for that. Thank goodness she graduated from college shortly after and the gossip stopped but about a year later we got another new receptionist and she became buddy, buddy with my boss who by then had become “friends” with me. Unfortunately for my boss she didn’t know this lady was nuts and I mean nuts … would curse me out as soon as my boss left the office over simple things like labeling the FedEx that was going to our corporate office.
Well, my boss didn’t believe me/the temp girl and (the temp had been there a year) we both ended up walking out on my boss and leaving her with psycho girl whom she turned around and fired two weeks later when she realized we were right. Psycho girl then tried to get my boss fired and a whole lot of apologies came my way but by then i was already offered a job with better pay and better benefits… glad I stuck it out for the experience but it was my satisfaction for taking their snotty attitudes for that long.
So look on the bright side maybe they are moving you in to push her out and she wont be there long or maybe you will learn a lot there and move on to something totally bigger and better.
Kathy April 18, 2011 at 10:11 am
If you just started, it has nothing to do with you personally. It may be that she applied for your position and didn’t get it, that a friend or coworker applied and didn’t get it, or she was close to the person you replaced and somehow is transferring that loss to you. Find a quiet, private time and ask her if you have done something to offend her. If she says no, then there is not much you can do but hope the situation changes as she gets to know you.
Julie Dexter April 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I hate to admit it but I was the one in my old office giving the silent treatment. I was so frustrated and everything I did was twisted and turned to make me look bad to my manager. Even though I was one step up the ladder and the supervisor of this person she would run to the manager if I did not give her everything she wanted. The manager would suggest giving in to her because she had 20 years in and deserved some special treatment for it. She was very manipulative and sneaky and caused a lot of problems with other personell. It was just easier to speak to her only when I needed to and not give her any more information or ammunition than I could.
Marie April 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I work with a person in our office area that annoys me. Therefore, I have little communication with her. She is the ‘Walmart Greeter’ to everyone that passes up/down the hall. She wants to know the scoop on confidential information and seeks her ‘office friends’ to find out. I have a very demanding job working for the 2nd person in charge. I have many people scheduling appointments, work with many committees and in charge of high priority projects. I don’t have time for interruptions caused by her and her gossip friends. I keep on task by being as professional as possible. If she becomes to loud with her laughter, etc. I have the opportunity to close my door most of the way — that sends a strong signal. Most people should be lucky they have a job and try to not only do their job but find ways to go above and beyond to benefit all.
Jenn April 15, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I have always went by the rule to confront the problem head on. Ask her to have a lunch meeting with you and hash out what the problem really is about. You may find out that she is upset with your boss for not placing her in that position, or……………….. it may not be you.
Susan April 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Four feet is awfully close to have to deal with this. If you spot an empty desk elsewhere, you might suggest that it could be a more productive space for you because it is closer to the boss’s office or (said without irony) because it is “quieter” there.
Kathy April 14, 2011 at 10:48 am
I was in a similar position several years ago and I found out that the reason the person didn’t speak to me was that I was her replacement and she was not happy about it. I had no idea when I was hired and it made things very uncomfortable. When I found out that I was her replacemet I spoke to her about it and it helped a little but she eventually left the company. I know how uncomfortable it is and I wish you luck.
Admin123 April 12, 2011 at 11:41 am
I wouldn’t take it personally, sometimes you meet people that you just don’t like and people you do like.. you unfortunately may be in her avenue of don’t like. Don’t take it personally, it’s her loss, it’s got nothing to do with you and once you make yourself immune to this…you can focus on your job and the people that are open to your kindness. We don’t have to like each other, just respect one another. Good luck, it will all work out in the long run.
Rebecca April 11, 2011 at 10:34 am
I agree with Angela and Debbie…there might have been some issues prior to you accepting the position which is causing her to behave in such manner. I would directly approach her and ask her why she is behaving that way. Let her know that whatever issues transpired prior to you accepting the position has nothing to do with you and that she is making your work environment unpleasant and unprofessional. I would gently remind her that you should be judged on your current professional merits and that the ball is in her court to rectify. If this fails, you have the option to speak with your supervisor or ignore her childish behavior and wow the rest of the staff with your professionalism. Either way, you have the upper hand on the outcome. Keep your chin up and smile thru adversity….it will confuse her even more! Good luck!
Lori April 9, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Talk to her directly about it in the same manner you described above. Keep it friendly and professionally oriented and stress that you’d like to make sure you haven’t unintentionally done something to offend her. Keep being polite and treating her in the same friendly manner. Best of luck!
Jurney April 9, 2011 at 9:19 am
I too was recently hired into a new position and have recently the cold treatment from one of the co-workers, not rude but not going out of her way to be helpful. I then found from reviewing some paperwork that the position I now hold was originally hers. As long as you can do your job in an effect way let it go. Say your mornings and good byes and leave it alone she will do two things either warm up to you or not but it is not your problem.
Lisa April 8, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I had the same situation happen to me in one of my jobs. I found out much later that it had to do with the person who had my job immediately before me; apparently, my predecessor thought it was her responsibility to “spy” on people and tattle back to the boss. When she left and I took the job, some people (mistakenly) assumed I would be the same way (not true, of course!). I just stayed professional, was as friendly as possible, and eventually won them over.
My suspicion is that your co-worker probably applied for your job, but wasn’t selected. If so, she probably resents you — it’s not personally about you, she probably wouldn’t have liked anyone who was hired for the job! Just keep your spirits up, remain friendly, keep cultivating other friendships with the company, and I bet it will blow over.
Feeling free in downtown Chicago April 8, 2011 at 5:25 pm
To Charlean Souligne: My cubemate also has told me that I speak too loudly in our little space. I went straight to human resources and said that she was bothering me too with a lot of people coming over and then gossiping about other people in the office. After HR talked to her, she is now rarely at her desk because is busy gossiping at other people’s desks.
Feeling free in downtown Chicago April 8, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I was at my company for 2 years before we switched offices and I wound up next to my new cubemate (who is a gossip and has a big mouth). After countless times of saying good morning, see you tomorrow and speaking first, I just gave up and started not even talking to her. It’s now been 6 months and it doesn’t bother me in the least. In fact, it’s nice not to say hello to a person who I know doesn’t like me (for whatever reason). Next time she says something to you, just ignore her and try to face your computer away from her so you can pretend that you didn’t hear her.
DeeCee April 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm
She probably has issues with you getting that job. You might figure out what those issues are, or you may never know. I’m not sure talking to her about it will help, since she doesn’t want to speak to you. She might even use her silence as a control tool; if she knows its important to you to be friends she may resist just to maintain control of the situation. Some people are like that.
I think the best solution is to just be as nice and professional as you can, and let her be. Be prepared to talk if it looks like she is ready for it. Be prepared to be friends. Don’t do anything personal against her. But don’t let yourself get distressed over it. It is a waste of your time, and she may feel like she “won” if she makes you upset. If she sees that giving you the silent treatment doesn’t hurt you, or help her, she may stop doing it. Be friendly with everyone else too and make friends when you can, but don’t make it a competition. Don’t let it become a tug-of-war for friends. The problem isn’t you. Just be the bigger person and do the best job you can. You may eventually become good friends with her, but if not, you will still be the “winner”.
Friend April 8, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Maybe it has something to do with who you favor in the office. There is a new person in my office who spends all of her time with the office snitch and gossip queen. We are all avoiding this new person because we know the snitch is “coaching” the new person to be just like her — since she has no other friends in the department. This way she will have at least one person who talks to her. It is kind of the “guilt by association” thing. Sad, but could be true.
Sandra April 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I had the same environment 4 years ago. What worked for me was to continue to be polite and ask questions. Eventually this person will come around. Sounds like she is just not firendly right away,she is just feeling you out.. It will work out and you two maybe best buds. Stay yourself and do your job and just keep it cordial.
Carol April 8, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I would agree completely with Joyce’s suggestions.
Her Loss April 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Continue to treat your co-worker in a kind and professional manner. If she does not change her attitude, just say it is her loss. You may have been hired on to relieve some of her work load. If so, she probably realizes that you were and is intimidated by you. Keep being pleasant and do your work to the best of your ability.
Joyce April 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm
You can ask her if you’ve done something to offend her since she treats you so differently from others. If she says no, then you can only continue to be pleasant and professional. Maybe your new job took something away from her; if so not much you can do other than maybe be apathetic and realize it’s not about you. How she behaves is on her, and maybe you should count your blessings. It’s better to find out what people are truly like in the beginning instead of bonding, and finding out later they are not the type you’d want to be around. Take it to the boss if you feel it is hampering your performance not to complain, but maybe to get a better understanding; otherwise you don’t have to like/be like, you just have to find a peaceful way of being able to work with them. And, time sometimes just work these things out.
Charlean Souligne April 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm
My office-mate and I have worked together for over 10 years. We say Good morning and goodbye most of the time. Unless it is a work-related issue, I try not to “interrupt” her. She has told me on occasion, that I am too much into my family, and they call too much. I have reduced my personal calls to a minimum, but her “perwsonal calls stll go on for unlimited times. double standards. So we make nice every morning and every evening and do our work during the day. it works, but sometimes, i go seek other people on break or lucnchtime jsut to speak to a live poerson.
It happens April 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I agree it my fear, her role might have changed when you came on board, no fault of yours it is what you hired for. As time goes on the barrier will more than likley crumble but it may take time be kind and friendly.
Pam April 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I agree with Angela. Ask her if you offended her in any way. I’m also wondering if she applied for the same position and was turned down. Even though this is no fault of yours, sometimes people can be bitter. Perhaps ask her if she would like to go for break with you or lunch, this way you can clear the air and get to know what might be bothering her.
Patty April 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I agree with Barbara that she probably feels threatened. Give it time and keep treating her as you would like to be treated as “abm” says above.
When I was hired on my current position (15 years ago) there was one other person in the office who thought she had the job hands down. When she wasn’t successful, she gave me the cold shoulder and was no help to me at all either. She had been the relief person on the position, so she knew the job, but always said she didn’t know.
I just used the old “kill ’em with kindness” routine on her and she eventually came around. Try not to take it personally. Good luck.
Tracy April 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Remember first and foremost that this is not your issue it is hers. She may have wanted the job you got or there may be some other reason, but either way, continue to show her kindness and overlook her bad behavior. Have you thought about asking her to lunch? I’ve been in similar situations, and I have found that killing them with kindness is the best way to get a cold fish to warm up.
Mere April 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm
It could be that the position was open because someone else left (maybe voluntarily, maybe let go). If your coworker was good friends with someone who held your position before, she may put her frustrations at losing a friend onto you. I agree with the poster who said be honest and ask her. Tell her you were hoping for a cordial, professional relationship and hope that the two of you can achieve that. One concern is, do you cover for each other if one of you is out (sick or vacation)? If so, it is important that you communicate. It’s in her best interest to at least be nice.
Anita April 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm
It seems like something may have been going on prior to your getting the job. For example, you may have earned the job she expected a friend to get or she may be threatened by your work ethic. One person in particular that I can think of is in this position…years have passed and regardless of what she has tried, the situation remains the same. She has tried allowing the person to feel superior, tried to be friendly, talked to the boss and confrontated the person but none of this has worked. Although, it is a very frustrating position to be in, you need to understand this is not your problem. What ever your coworker has decided is the issue, she has also decided to handle it in an immature manner and I don’t think you can do anything to change how she thinks since you don’t know what’s going on in her mind. You can continue to be pleasant but you also need to stay above the level she is at. Should it escalate to where she is compromising your work, then you need to let your boss know after you have documented incidences. I wish you the best and hope you do not let her impact how much you enjoy the job.
Debbie April 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Sounds to me like there were some issues prior to you coming on board. I would wonder if you were delegated some of her work or maybe doing part of what she used to do that she really liked. Unless it was directly affecting the work that you do, I would just let it be. If you are unable to work with her acting like that, I would take this issue to the manager to see if she could mediate a meeting for both of you. Unless there is a written rule in your workplace about being friendly with coworkers, she can be as quiet as she wants. If it is inhibiting your ability to do your work, that’s different. Best of luck!
Pamela April 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm
You were not hired to be concerned with making friends. In the long run you just might find that you are glad that your only form of communication has been hi and goodbye. On another note, you might not even know what has been going on with her or what she is going through. Maybe this person just might not be open to making any new friends at this time.
Barbara April 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm
It is very common, even in a friendly office environment. She probably feels threatened. Most positions are filled because there is more work than there is workers. Somebody new has come in and they are doing some of the things that current workers have been doing.
Angela April 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Be honest and ask her if something is wrong or if you’ve done something to upset her. Explain what you’ve noticed in her behaviour and would like to know if you’ve done something wrong. She just may not be comfortable with you as yet. She knows the other employees, therefore is friendly with them. I had the same thing happen and once I approached my neighbor things were fine. Good luck!
abm April 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Not everyone is going to like you all of they time. But continue to treat her as you would want to be treated.
Been there before April 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
It may not be you. It might be the person you work for. I have worked in places before where people didn’t like my supervisor so they didn’t like me. This maybe your problem.