Win by losing: 7 bad communication habits to shed

The quickest way for managers to improve their professional image is to improve their communication skills. And the simplest way to improve your communication skills is to stop doing things that repeatedly get you in trouble.

To fix a bad habit, you first need to be aware of it. Here are seven of the most common bad communications habits, according to Geoffrey Tumlin, author of the book, Stop Talking, Start Communicating, and how to improve or eliminate them:

Bad habit #1: Multitasking when you should be listening

Technology that allows for hypercommunication also, ironically, makes it harder for anyone to listen. Because of that, most people need to make a concerted effort to strengthen their listening skills.

Intentional listening will make you more present in conversations and will decisively improve your communication. The “old school” behavior of listening will help you become a better communicator and will enable you to become far more knowledgeable about the people around you.

Bad habit #2: Letting your inner-Neanderthal pick your words

When we’re agitated or frustrated, a battle plays out between our impulse-driven Neanderthal brain and our more modern, deliberative brain. And while the Neanderthal parts of your brain are indispensable when you’re in physical danger, they are terrible at picking your words.

The goal: Stop talking and think for a minute whenever you’re frustrated or upset. Pause long enough to keep your more thoughtful and deliberative brain in charge.

Bad habit #3: Using ‘authenticity’ as an excuse for bad behavior

“I was just being myself” sounds harmless, but it’s often an excuse to indulge in destructive behavior.

By focusing on what you want to accomplish instead of what you want to say, you’ll keep your conversational goals in the rightful place. As Tumlin notes, “Poor communication—when your words hijack your goals—isn’t a trait; it’s a choice.”

Bad habit #4: Asking faulty questions

Questions aren’t always neutral. Many questions make conversations worse. “Did you call Jim in accounting about this?” can cause trouble if the other person thinks there’s a criticism behind the query.

Before you speak, think whether your questions are actually a thinly veiled effort to hammer home a point. It’s better to focus any question about what you can actually learn from another person and to ask questions that reflect a broad curiosity.

Bad habit #5: Meddling

Our digital devices allow us to have far too many unnecessary conversations and get our hands (and thumbs) on too many irrelevant issues. That’s why smart communicators, like smart doctors, have a good triage system.

Put each decision or action into a category—Now, Delay or Avoid—to focus on pressing issues, while delaying or ignoring less vital matters.

Bad habit #6: Fighting with difficult people

Whether people are controlling, critical or cranky, the behaviors that make someone a difficult person tend to spark frequent confrontations. It’s time to quit trying.

By giving up your desire to “win” by imposing your will on the other person, you’ll improve your communication with difficult people. When talking to such people, avoid tangents. Stay focused on your end goal.

Bad habit #7: Overreacting

Excessive force frequently causes a destructive cycle—attack, retaliation, escalated attack and escalated retaliation. When discussions become heated, stay serious and focused. Be the stabilizing influence.

Bottom line: Eliminating just one or two of these habits can dramatically improve your communication and strengthen your relationships.