Should you tolerate foul-mouthed co-workers?

Question: “How do you handle a co-worker who constantly uses foul language in a professional office? I’ve hinted to her that I don’t like it, but that did no good. I talked with her boss and the human resources manager, but they seem to view me as a tattletale. Do I just have to learn to live with the four-letter words?” — Offended

Marie’s Answer: As a peer, you can’t order your uncouth colleague to stop swearing, and her boss apparently doesn’t care. So you need to find a different strategy. Here’s what to do:

• Group action usually has more impact than an individual complaint. If others share your concern, return with them to HR and ask for enforcement of some reasonable language guidelines.

• However, if you are the only one upset, then you and your co-workers have different standards. Curses can range from mild exclamations, like “damn” or “hell” to the more truly colorful expletives. People vary greatly in what they find offensive.

• If you lack support from either management or colleagues, your only hope is to ask for a personal favor. Hinting hasn’t worked, so consider a more direct approach.

• To reduce defensiveness, present a request instead of a criticism. For example: “I know you may find this silly, but four-letter words make me very uncomfortable. They don’t bother everyone, but they really do bother me. I would greatly appreciate it if you could tone down the language when I’m around.”

If you say this in a friendly manner, keeping the focus on your own feelings, your cursing colleague might just surprise you by cleaning up her act.