Should you tolerate rude hand gestures in the office?

I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s hard, and it sucks, but you are being sytematically abused, and this other woman is creating a hostile work environment. The law, though, is on your side. Continuing to work with this type of stress is more than anyone should have to deal with. You are entitled to go to HR and inform them this woman is creating a hostile work environment for you. You are fully protected from repercussions, either from this woman or from a supervisor or HR. It may be rough for a while, but you are not in the wrong, the other woman is, and your company has to protect you. You really do need to report this woman, then you will most likely need to go to HR again when “world war 3” starts. Legally, they cannot allow her make your life miserable by reporting her. My best to you.

I agree this is rude. We have an older lady in our office who does the same thing. She thinks its cue and funny. I’ve asked her to quit. I’ve emailed her to quit. And now I realize that it’s best to try not to joke around with her or provoke her as that’s her defense mechanism as unprofessional as it is. She’s been with the organization over 25 years and for me to go to a supervisor would create world war 3 and make it a very uncomfortable work environment unfortunately. If I were in a company were I could report it without repercussions, I would. In my case, it’s best to stay away from her and not provoke her behavior.

My suggestion is to document all actions. If the situation continues, speak with your supervisor about the situation and show her/him the documentation. It doesn’t matter if you have a good relationship with the co-worker, this is unprofessional in the workplace and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Tell her one more time to stop with the flipping off and then just forget about her. You don’t have to be friends with her, especially if she is not taking your comments seriously. Obviously you don’t want to be rude either, but you do not have to be “close” to her – just remain professional and distant. Maybe she will stop (aside from the fact that you asked her to) if you two aren’t best buds. Does she do this with anyone else?

A couple of the guys (who sit near me) flip each other off (jokingly), but most of the time, they’ll try to back out of my view so their hand gestures are obscured by the cubicle walls. I guess they want to protect me from the obscene gestures!

Ultimately, you may have to report the offensive behavior to her supervisor. However, instead of expressing how inappropriate you feel the gesture is at the work place, did you try to “bluntly” explain to her how “offended” you are by those hand gestures. Some people are just plain dense! If she still “flips you off”, I would begin to think about whether or not she likes, or even respects you. If that is the case, why even worry about how “she” feels in regards to being reported to her supervisor. She obviously does not consider how you feel.

I would forward her a copy of your previous e-mail stating that you would like her to stop her rude and offensive behavior, with a little note saying that you have asked her verbally and in writing and would prefer not to have the situation escalate any further. I would also copy your boss on this e-mail. This shows that you have indeed tried multiple times to get her to d/c her behavior and that you are attempting to take care of the situation yourself. This also covers you if you need to take things further, as you have already alerted a higher up, as well as letting the woman know that you have alerted at least 1 higher up. Good luck!

In her world, that may be a harmless thing, but in your world (and mine) and the business world, that is totally rude, offensive and unacceptable. I would tell her gently at first, which is what you’ve already done, then I would tell her quite forcefully and bluntly. If she still does it, I’d have a talk with her or my supervisor or whoever the next appropriate person is. Good luck with this. I would find it offensive too.

Kathryn is right – it is a hostile work environment situation. If your coworker has continued this behavior after you have notified her both verbally and by email that it is inappropriate, then your next step should be to bring the problem to HR or your supervisor. Personally, I would not continue to discuss it with the coworker – she has already shown her lack of concern.

Next time she does it, I would send a final e-mail, in a firm yet friendly tone, stating that I have asked both verbally and via e-mail for this to stop, and if it occurs again, you will be forced to talk to a supervisor about it. If it happens again after that, I would go to a supervisor. If the person denies doing it, I would simply say, “If you have never done that, then where is your response to this e-mail stating you have never done it? Your lack of response indicates acknowledgment that you were doing it.”

No. In general I see this more from men than women but I always give the same response, although men seem to take it a little better. No barn yard games at work. Work is work, can be nice and fun if you work with friends but it is work. The environment should be acceptable for all –including mother. Play is play, which belongs off the clock and off the property. I am sure the employer would also appreciate the separation and professionalism in the office and when representing the company on a daily basis.

If you have HR policies, it should be included in what is appropriate and what is not. You might want to check/talk with your HR Department. If there is a company policy you could tell your co-worker that it is a violation of company policy, and should others see her – it could mean disciplinary action for violating policy. You could just tell her to stop, that it makes you uncomfortable, and if it continues you will have to take it to your supervisor/HR Department, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of inappropriate, and childish, behavior.

Well as an Office Manager I certainly would not tolerate this type of unprofessionalism. Since you have already asked her stop, I would contact either her supervisor or member of human resources. Good luck!

When she does it again send her another email referencing the fact the you have spoken to her once and previously “put it in writing” (quotation marks for the sake of this answer) and would
like for her to stop doing that as you find it offensive. Unless she is really dense she will get the message “I have a written record of proof that you are aware of your unprofessional behavior.”

This woman, whether or not you are friends, is creating a hostile work environment. You should not be subjected to this type of behavior. You have done your part by telling her it is inappropriate, and you have documented it. Now, you go to HR and let them handle it.

I’d ask her what she has to gain from “flipping” anyone off. Then I’d tell her what she chances to loose. She chances loosing a professional image, seeming immature, thereby loosing opportunities for advancement. She does that to or in front of the wrong person, and she also chances being reported for harassment and inappropriate behavior. Tell her you don’t want to play a part in her demise, so keep her finger to herself. You have choices, ignore her and/or report her. Start distancing yourself from her — you can’t soar like an eagle if you quack with ducks.

Whether you get along well, or not, this kind of behavior is disrespectful and should not be tolerated in an office environment – especially if it offends you. I would bring this up to your supervisor, if she doesn’t stop, and let the supervisor deal with it.