Question:  My supervisor, “Jake,” is infatuated with me. He vies for my attention and pouts when I insist on keeping our relationship strictly professional. He has even hinted to his buddies that we’re having an affair, which is totally untrue. Before his behavior became obsessive, I used to be friendly with both Jake and his wife. I keep telling him that I’m not interested, but he still continues this sad, pathetic fantasy. Short of filing charges, how can I put a stop to this? — Not Interested

Question:  “I know that applicants should send a thank-you note after a job interview, so I normally fax a letter within one or two days. However, I have some questions about the process. When I’m interviewed by several people, should I include all the names on one letter or send an individual note to each person?  If I send separate letters, can they all have the same wording or should each one be different? Finally, if interviewers fail to give me a business card, what do I do if I’m not sure how to spell their names?” -- Puzzled

Question: “Two people in our office are falsifying their time sheets. As a result, they get paid for lots of overtime when they actually don’t even work their regular hours. Our boss is in a different location, so she doesn’t know what happens here. When  we gently tried to inform her about this problem, she said we were being petty. The rest of us are honest employees who show up for work, do our jobs and make up any time we miss. Our co-workers’ dishonesty hurts morale and causes a lot of resentment. What should we do?”  -- Honest & Angry

Question: “I’m not sure whether to trust one of my co-workers. “Amy” is helpful and considerate to me. She provides useful information and makes friendly, encouraging comments. She seems like a good team player. However, some co-workers say Amy stabs people in the back because she wants to climb the corporate ladder. According to them, she shows off her knowledge, points out others’ mistakes and makes a big deal of her workload. Amy clearly has the trust and confidence of management, so apparently her other side is seen only by her peers. If Amy really is a skillful manipulator, how do I avoid being hurt by her tactics, especially when management thinks so highly of her?”  -- Cautious Co-worker

Question:  “Although I am considered the lead supervisor in my department and have practically run the place for the past year, the company recently chose someone else to be department manager. An executive who is new to our company made this decision. He didn’t offer me an interview or make any effort to get to know me. I am having trouble accepting the situation and feel very resentful. How can I get past this?  And when I talk with this executive, how do I convince him that I would have been the right person for the job?” — Passed Over

Question: “I’m concerned that my new boss may have unrealistic expectations about my abilities.  After joining this company, I worked for three managers who all gave me outstanding appraisals.  However, my most recent supervisor, “Ms. Jones,” decided to lay me off. Fortunately, I have been offered a position by a manager in another department, “Mr. Smith.”  After hearing about this, Ms. Jones said, “Mr. Smith will soon find out that you don’t walk on water.”  When I mentioned this remark to the HR manager, she said the glowing reviews in my personnel file create the impression that I can do anything. I asked if these comments could be removed to avoid misleading people, but she said no. Now I’m worried about disappointing Mr. Smith and losing another job. How can I lower his expectations?” — JPK

Question:  My boss’s boss, “Ellen,” frequently redirects my employees without informing me. She just tells them to disregard my assignments, then issues new instructions. Recently, Ellen asked a member of my staff to manage a major project, even though she knew I had already chosen someone else for that role. Previously, she had expressed no concerns about the person I selected. Every year, Ellen approves my annual goals, then switches things around and makes it impossible to accomplish them. My manager is no help because he’s very weak. Do you have any suggestions? — Bypassed

Question: “I have been fired from almost every job I have ever had. My friend says I’m just unlucky, because I seem to wind up in impossible situations that I can’t escape. I know that difficult people are everywhere, but I guess I haven’t learned how to properly navigate around the worst ones. I’ve tried the fight-back approach and the just-deal-with-it approach, but neither seems to work. Last time, I made a pre-emptive strike by complaining to human resources, but I still wound up on the losing end of the stick. I have been fired from five jobs in seven years. What would you recommend for someone like me?” — Nathan

Question: Our HR manager recently told me that my bosses had complained about my coming in late.  I am a secretary to three attorneys in a large law firm. Since I frequently work after hours without overtime pay, I assumed that arriving late was no problem. When I apologized to the attorneys, they said the HR manager brought up the subject. The attorneys thanked me for working in the evenings.  I have told the HR manager that I don’t appreciate her misrepresenting the situation. I would like an unbiased third party to mediate this tardiness issue, but a friend says that bringing up overtime would create big problems. What should I do?”  Angry with HR

Question:  “I work for a manager who thinks I can read her mind. She will come rushing up to my desk and say something like, “Did he come pick it up?”  Because I have no idea what she’s talking about, I ask what she means. Then she looks at me like I’m an idiot for not understanding. This happens all the time, and I’m starting to get really irritated. How do I deal with her weird communication pattern?” —  Not a Mind Reader

Question:  My department recently moved to a new building. Initially, everyone received a printout showing where our offices would be located. However, our boss decided to reconfigure the office assignments based on job responsibilities. I was given an office that was originally designated for “Judy.”  Judy seems offended by this change. I think she blames me for the decision, even though I had nothing to do with it. Now I’m starting to feel guilty.  How can I fix this? — Not My Fault

Question: My problem is my mouth. I tend to say whatever is on my mind without thinking about the consequences. For example, I recently met with one of our top executives. When he asked my opinion of him, I replied, “At first I thought you were a snob, but now you seem OK.”  That was not a good answer. I also said too much in a meeting with my boss’s boss. After describing a problem with one co-worker, I went on to say that all the other women on my team have become less friendly and sometimes talk about me behind my back. I could tell that this was not well-received. Now I feel as though these managers are uncomfortable with me whenever I’m around them.  How can I stop myself from saying too much?” — Motormouth

Queston: “I want to know if I should tell my manager that I’m looking for another job.  For the past several months, our company’s business has been declining. Management recently slashed our pay, and one of my co-workers was laid off. It seems obvious that anyone in this situation would be exploring other options, but I’m not sure if I should bring it up. I've always been able to talk openly with my boss, but lately he acts like a different person.” — Uncertain

Question: “My manager asked me to take over a very difficult position for which I had no background or training. He has been pleased with my progress. However, a group of guys from another department seem determined to make me fail. They ignore my requests, withhold information and argue about everything. My male predecessor left because of their behavior, so my being a woman is not the only problem. I tried making peace by offering to help with their work, but that only made things worse. Apparently, they viewed my olive branch as a sign of surrender. Recently, my boss and their manager decided that all communication between us must go through the two of them. This worries me, because it looks like I can’t handle the situation. Any suggestions?” — Not One of the Guys

Question:  “My boss, “Debra,” has been a wonderful mentor. As a result of her mentoring skills, I was recently offered a job with another company at a 30% pay increase. I would like to repay her by doing some “reverse mentoring.” Debra oversees a department of 125 people, manages a $3 million budget and has an MBA. She is also one of the smartest people I know. However, top management here frequently fails to recognize excellence.

After 27 years with this company, Debra finally seems ready to move on. She has been asking me questions like “What else do you think I might be qualified for?”  How can I help her?” —Grateful to My Boss

Managers are an employer's "eyes and ears," so they have a key legal responsibility to be on the lookout for behaviors that could spark a sexual harassment complaint. Here's a primer on what sexual harassment is and how to react when you see it.

 

Question:  “Our appraisal system requires supervisors to schedule quarterly conferences with their employees, but my boss never does. On my annual performance review, he always lists the dates when our conferences should have happened, then asks me to sign it. I have never been comfortable falsifying this information, but I don't know what to do. Should I just suck it up and sign to keep my boss out of trouble? Or should I refuse and risk becoming the target of retaliation?” — Honest Employee

Question: "I feel that I have been misled by my manager. When I was taking college courses, she told me she would work on getting my pay increased after I received my degree.Now that I’ve graduated, she says our company apparently does not give raises based on degrees.  She also says that our vice president feels I don’t deserve a raise because of tardiness and because I missed some meetings with him.I recently started an MBA program, but I’m not sure management appreciates my efforts to advance my career. What do you think?" — Educated and Underpaid

Question: What kind of touching is considered “inappropriate” at work? I don’t mean sexual contact, but simply an occasional pat on the arm or a hand on someone’s back. One of our managers, who is naturally gregarious, received a formal complaint about this kind of touching. The complaining person never said before that she was offended, so how was he to know? My own management style has been described as warm and “touchy-feely.” Should I start being more careful? -- Concerned

Q: “Our new CEO is very vindictive. He has ‘spies’ who feed him stories about employees that he doesn’t like. He fires people based on fabricated information, then displays his power by having security accompany them off the premises. I recently met with him to explain how this is hurting the business. I had data to prove that customer satisfaction and employee turnover have gotten worse since he arrived. But the CEO placed me on final warning for insubordination. For the next year, I can be immediately terminated for any additional offense. How do I establish a safe relationship with this man? — A Dedicated Manager

You dread going to work. The problem isn’t your job, which you love. And you’re blessed with a great staff. But your boss makes you miserable. Here’s how to fight off intimidation and get support when you need it most ...

Question: “I manage the gift shop at a beautiful, historic winery. Although this is a wonderful place to work, we do encounter customers with a variety of challenging personalities. I have several employees who complain about how stupid customers are and what dumb questions they ask. Since we don't work in a bubble, I'm sure customers sometimes overhear these comments. I’ve tried asking everyone to be more positive, but negativity spreads like a disease. How do I stop this catty chatter?” — Frustrated in Wisconsin

Question: I can’t seem to get promoted, even though I am well-qualified. My performance evaluations are excellent, and I have received numerous awards. The company posts promotional opportunities so that anyone can apply, but the “winning” applicant always seems to have been selected in advance. Obviously, politics plays a great part in these selections, and I am not a political person. I do interact with people, but I just don’t do it with an agenda in mind. How can I get ahead? —  No Way Out

Question: “One of our co-workers, “Bob,” regularly comes in quite late. Until he gets here, the rest of us have to answer his phone and deal with callers’ problems. Bob is taking advantage of a nice boss who is not a micromanager. Our boss knows that Bob is usually late, but he hasn’t said anything to him. What should we do?” — Tired of Bob

Question: “My boss recently confessed that he has “feelings” for me. I am happily married and definitely do not share these feelings. The situation is uncomfortable, because he is the owner of this very small business. Although I have handwritten notes documenting his "emotional attachment,” I have been told this is not sexual harassment. I began looking for a new job, but so far have had no luck. My boss says his feelings haven’t changed, and he wants to know whether I am still planning to leave. What should I do?” — Pursued