Here’s a scenario for you: Rashid (Raoul or Ray) meets Lori in her office, and both nervously shake hands. Lori notices what feels like a wimpy, limp clasp. Both think to themselves, “Yech, what a shake.”  A two-second exchange like that can create unease and discomfort in the relationship from then on. Whose fault is it?

Your thoughts maintain and build, or attack and destroy, the self-esteem of others.  Leaders maintain the self-esteem of people around them.

Rejection is inevitable in life, especially if you’re making an effort and putting yourself out there. Here are some thoughts I use to make it less painful when I get it.

You have to pay ransom for your good name.

When you are out of a job and an offer comes in, you tend to overlook some red flags about the offer. Even in a time of near desperation slow down and honestly ask yourself some questions that will help minimize the possibility that you’ll be looking for a job again, in the near future:

Write your autobiography – today.  Don’t put it off.  Write from day one up to the present.  Every six months or so, take a couple of hours and update it. Why put your history on paper? It’s your story, so it’s a good story worth recording.  You’re as important as anyone who has written one.  It’s a good source for updating your resume, job interviews and promotion evaluations — in managing and leading with a human touch.

If you find yourself job hunting, be sure to take time to search for your values as well as your next job.  Stressful work over time can make you forget what’s important to you — what you want in life.  All of a sudden two or twenty-two years go by, and you’re not doing satisfying work. View your job elimination in a positive light. Now you can consider what you would truly enjoy doing in your next job – and for the rest of your life.

We’ve seen CEOs attacked for Wall Street greed, questioned by Congressional committees, exposed on “60 Minutes,” and led to prison in handcuffs.  How did those businesses’ heads turn into incompetent and/or dishonest crooks and lowlifes? We assume power corrupted them. No. Usually, he (or she) was rotten from the start. He was just under the radar until he got into the visible top job; he didn’t become incompetent but was always incompetent as a business leader. So what happened?

With the global economy sagging, your company tightening its belt, your stock worth dwindling and your children thinking you don’t understand what they are going through, there is a lot of duress and stress in life. To step up as a leader, manage your attitude – don’t leave it to others. Take on and stick with a productive and constructive perspective. Don’t let the press, family, friends or colleagues sway you with a negative and destructive perspective.