Question: I believe I have a unique problem. I'm the IT support assistant in the company I work for; I support the VP and eight managers. I report directly to the VP.

Every now and again, an associate brings in goodies (donuts, cake, candy, etc.) for the department and sends out an e-mail to the department inviting us to have whatever is brought in. Last week, one of the managers brought in donuts. I went to get a donut and, when I got to his workstation, he was having a verbal meeting with an associate from another department, and she asked me to get one for her. I handed her a donut and went back to my workstation.

The manager came over to me and, in the presence of the associate from the other department, proceeded to let me know that I had no right to give a donut to her, as they were not mine to give. I thought he was joking, so I was smiling and taking it for a joke! He proceeded to tell me that this was not a joke, and I was rude to give away something that was not mine to give.

The associate handed me the donut and said she would not take it, so I took it back to the manager's cubicle and told him that she no longer wanted the donut. I went back to my desk and sent the manager an e-mail saying I was sorry to take his donut but I didn’t appreciate his talking down to me by telling me I was "rude" and that, in the future, he should choose his words. I also told him that it wasn’t the culture of the IT department for people to be stingy with food and that I didn’t believe in my wildest dreams that he would be offended.

He responded that I knew that I was wrong and was hiding behind e-mails, that I should speak with him and that the problem with me is that I like to give away things that are not mine to give. (I am not guilty of that, and so that hurts.) He also told me that, if I responded, he would not read my e-mail because we both believe we should have the last word.

I am saddened by this whole thing, and I feel silly even talking about it with other people in the department, because I don’t want to be labeled as being disgruntled or disruptive. I told my boss (who is the manager's boss, too), and he says that I should drop it or I should sit the manager down and tell him how things operate in the department.

I feel uncomfortable around that manager now, and the hurtful thing is, I used to like him. I'm the person responsible for planning all the "fun" things in the department, and I really feel like something is missing now. I don’t feel like being a fun person, anymore, and with the holidays coming up, we usually have events like "pot luck" and gift exchanges, etc. Now, I feel like it’s such a chore!

What should I do?  -- Anonymous

Question: I was promoted recently and am responsible for training my replacement, a transfer from another department. I was the first person to fill this position, so all of the processes are ones that I created. The documents handled in this department are very sensitive and become legal documents.

This person was hired without my input and while the supervisor of the department was out of the country. We were informed rather than asked about these changes by upper management.

My replacement has very little Word or PowerPoint experience, and almost no Excel experience. The position prepares PowerPoint presentations for the corporate officers and board of directors, as well as for international branches of the company.

My frustration stems from the fact that she thinks she knows so much more than she does and doesn’t ask questions; she assumes she knows what she is doing. I have prepared instruction books and step-by-step manuals for her to walk her through the processes, but she won’t use them. I have asked her what I can do to help her; she acknowledges that she isn’t using the tools she has. I have suggested that, in her slower time, she play in her software programs and learn them. She has label-making down pat, and her files are beautiful, but she still doesn’t know how to work her scanner. (Yes, I have gone over it with her ... more than once.)

She has been working in this department now for six weeks and is still making the same mistakes she made the first week. Her supervisor is out of town frequently, and it's up to me to "teach" her. I've been keeping a log of things we go over each day and problems that arise and have gone over this with her supervisor. He is currently back in town for a while and wants to start throwing things at her to see how she deals with it. He's still asking me to help him out.

I am very busy in my new department and really don’t have time to do my job and hers. I'm getting to the point that I just want to watch her sink on her own but still feel very responsible for the documents that are being sent out. I don’t feel comfortable going to upper management, since her supervisor is taking a wait-and-see attitude, but it’s killing me to see what she's sending out.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Any advice at all would be appreciated!  -- Pam from Oregon

Question: I am one of two admins in a small department. We cover for each other on days off, lunch hours, etc.

I am considerably busier than she is--both professionally and personally--and try to make good use of any downtime at work. I'm involved in a fundraiser, have elderly parents, have a busy household and work out.

As she is seldom busy, she chatters constantly throughout the day about anything and everything, which I find a total distraction and completely irritating. Two other co-workers feel the same way I do.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I've tried not looking up from my work much while she's speaking, but she doesn't get the hint. She's also very nosy and gossipy. If she hears something I say on the phone, she'll ask about it.  She occasionally looks at my computer screen over my shoulder and makes comments.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to alienate her, as I need her cooperation in this department. I just want her to cut down the chatter and mind her own business.

Any suggestions? Thank you.  -- Anonymous, Boston

Question: I happen to be a young manager in an office of around 70 employees. We try to keep a family-type atmosphere, in which we encourage "open" working relationships with managers and staff, but keep away from managers and employees becoming buddies.

I find that most employees respond to a manager who is more of a leader; who listens and responds to valid concerns.

I have great working relationships with the majority of staff, except for two 50-year-old women. These two staff, I have "heard" through the grapevine, have an issue because I am younger than them.

The thing I am confused about is that their behavior is more immature than that of other, much younger employees. They gossip, pout when they're talked to about valid concerns of mine, have lazy work habits, are nice as pie when I am around, etc.

I was wondering if there's a way to work it out in which I can change their behavior. Or, are they never going to respond to my direction and discipline merely because of my age?

The owner of the company is tired of their behavior and agrees that they aren't going to work out here. So, do I give up? I hate to throw in the towel without trying, but I am tired, and they should know how to behave.  -- Jocelyn

Question: Immaturity in our small office has caused a big problem here from the top down. One co-worker shot another with a BB gun in front of the company president. They were just being silly & clowning around. These people are older than 22 & younger than 45.

Any advice?  -- Anonymous

Question: "Our inner-office setup consists of modular, portable walls that are 6 feet tall, which does little to deflect sound. A co-worker sitting behind me and two desks away is loud and talks constantly. To top that off, she laughs after making 95 percent of her statements.

"It's gratifying to know that she enjoys her co-workers and job, but everything isn't funny!

"I've overheard her refer to the fact that she talks a lot, so she knows it. My supervisor, who is an officer of the company, often must close his door to limit the disruption caused by this individual.

"I'm not the only one complaining about her boisterousness, yet it appears that no one wants to deal with addressing this issue with her. I have no authority over her, and her immediate supervisor is located in a private outer office with a door, so I doubt that he's aware of the disturbance she causes. When other issues have arisen in the past, he hasn't taken any action, so the pattern is set, and we doubt he would deal with this issue, either.

"It's difficult to concentrate and, although I try to tune her out, I'm hardly ever successful.  Some co-workers have taken to wearing a Walkman with ear pieces to drown her out.

"Someone suggested that she might have a hearing problem, which I strongly doubt since she never asks anyone to repeat themselves. The other suggestion was that she could have low self-esteem and she counteracts that by laughing.

"Whatever the cause, I could really use some ideas as to how to address this constant, nagging problem.  Thank you for your time and consideration."  -- Anonymous

Question: I work in an office with three other administrative people. One of the other admins and I have a good work ethic: We need to keep busy (and we are very busy), and have significant responsibility. The other two people do not have enough to do. Therefore, they're on the Internet, they make personal phone calls, and they visit a lot.

One of these two people is also not a team player. She will not sort/deliver mail if someone is absent, won't do a room set-up and won't offer help to others.

The other productive person and I talked to our boss two weeks ago. She admitted that she's aware of all that is going on and knows that the other two admin people do not have enough to do. I believe she is trying to find more work for them, but I queston whether it will really happen.

We don’t know where to go from here. We have suggested having phone reports run on these two people but our boss does not seem to want to do this.

The real problem is that, when I see them talking or on the Internet, I get very angry. I need some help in handling this problem, because even though I love my job, I don’t even want to come in to work anymore.  -- Totally frustrated

Question: I work in an office where I am in the center of everything, so I can hear and see everything that goes on.  One of my co-workers pretends to work all day but spends most of the time on the phone, and it's all personal calls. I believe that my boss is clueless as to what's going on.

I'm wondering if I need to let my boss know what's going on or continue to do my work and not pay any attention. It's very distracting and discouraging because I do more work than my co-worker and they get paid
a whole lot more than I do.  -- Discouraged in Alabama

Question: I have a Junior AA working with me who is pretty young and this is her first "real" job. She is a good worker when she's here. My problem is that she sits in the reception area and walks in a half-hour late at least two or three times a week, or dresses inappropriate for a business office.

While I understand that she's young and a good worker, I don't want to keep reminding her that working hours are from 8:30 to 5:30 and not from 9:00 to 5:30. I have tried talking to her about dressing and being late, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I have tried to give her verbal warnings. I'm not sure what to do next.  -- Needing Help in New York

Question: "I co-chair a committee with someone who's unwilling to plan. I'll want to discuss the next meeting or upcoming priorities, and he'll say, 'I can't talk about that right now. Catch me later.' Of course, he doesn't have time 'later,' either.

"How can I force this person to focus?"  -- Jean, Michigan

Question: One of my co-workers becomes defensive when I or anyone else offers constructive criticism. The last time I made a suggestion, she acted very offended and said she felt that I was telling her that she wasn't doing her job well.

We share a workspace for part of the day, and I'd like to suggest a more effective way to keep the area neat and full of resources for others who may have to cover in our absence. How do I broach this topic with such a sensitive co-worker?  -- K.R., New York

Question: We have an office of about 70 employees, about 55 of whom have face-to-face contact with the public. The owner would like all patients welcomed with friendly faces. Not all the employees are this friendly. They aren’t rude, but are very cold. They do their work correctly.

How do you make people smile without making them more unfriendly?  If they don't fit into the atmosphere we are trying to create, would that be crazy to let them go?  -- Anonymous

Question: The executive director where I work keeps e-mailing job ads for out-of-state positions to my boss. Isn't that considered harassment?

My boss said he just deletes them. It seems rather unprofessional.

So far, I haven't received an e-mail of this nature, but if I do, what would be the best way to handle the situation?  -- Anonymous

Question: One of my co-workers (Co-Worker A) is a good employee and a hard worker. Another co-worker (Co-Worker B), who supports the department head, is very untrusting and controlling.  She seems to undermine everything that Co-Worker A does and intentionally tries to make Co-Worker A look bad to their superiors.  Co-Worker A is at the end of her rope!  I've tried to offer support and advice to Co-Worker A, but I'm out of suggestions.

Talking to Co-Worker B does not yield any results.  Any suggestions for Co-Worker A who does not want to leave her role but desperately needs help?  -- Anonymous

Question: I have been working as an HR and admin coordinator for more than a year and have been much appreciated for my dedication and commitment, to the extent that I am up for a promotion.

Recently, a new employee joined the company in the same position and, although I have gone out of my way to make her feel welcome and shared all my tips and so much of my experience, when I spoke to her regarding a small issue, she responded in a rude and loud manner. I tried to talk it over with her and make it work, but she continued shouting and acting obscene. I approached my manager about the new person’s behavior, but my manager told me that I have to be more polite, since I may have come across as rude to the new person, who is probably sensitive.

Hello!! I was the one being shouted at while trying to be diplomatic and polite!!

I need advice urgently because I would hate to ruin the relationship I have with my manager, and I also don’t want to be falling over myself to be nice. I am, after all, the senior one here!  -- Anonymous

Question: Two of my managers come to my desk frequently and read my computer screen and anything else within view of my desk. I do not report to either one. They both report to my boss, who is the department head.

One manager is somewhat harmless, and overly friendly; the other is often looking for information to either use to someone's disadvantage or he is trying to stay in the loop where he used to occupy a more prominent position. He was seen rummaging through other people's trash some time ago, and I suspect he checks over my desk when he is in the office alone.

How can I stop the trash-rummaging manager, and what can I do about the overly friendly manager?  -- Anonymous

Question: During certain times of the year, one of my co-workers is supposed to take over the responsibilities of my normal job a couple days a week because I’m working in a different department. This co-worker doesn't seem to care to do that, however, leaving either our boss to pick up the slack or me to continue with my duties on top of my assumed duties.

Well, it’s that time of the year again and my boss has said that she will pick up the slack. “No,” I told her. “It’s not your job.”

I have not directly said anything to my co-worker but did remind everyone it was that time of year. Having to do these jobs on top of my other tasks can be hectic, and some of my everyday duties are put off until the next day, which directly affects other co-workers.

We have always had trouble getting the president to act on any issues with this co-worker, so I don’t know what to do.  Should I ask my boss to remind my co-worker of the change in responsibilities? Should I go to my co-worker myself? Or should I do nothing and let it fall on my boss, since she chooses not to say anything to this person?  -- Anonymous

Question: I manage several administrative support assistants in an executive, senior management environment. One of the assistants has difficulty separating emotions from her job duties. She internalizes many business decisions either as personal attacks on her or reminiscent of personal relationships not related to work. Her feelings factor into many of her business decisions. As you can imagine, it is difficult to manage her performance.

Her interpersonal relationships with her co-workers and me are occaisionally strained. For lack of a better word, she is almost a bullying personality and is frequently moody. She is making minor mistakes on a more frequent basis, and appears to increasingly resent my corrections of them.

When confronted about her performance, she appears willing to accept and make changes, but is very emotional (crying) during these meetings. And as each issue corrects itself, it seems another one appears.

What is the message I am not understanding from her? What am I not doing that I need to do? How can this situation be corrected?  -- Anonymous

Question: “I would be interested in hearing how companies are dealing with workplace bullying, a form of harassment that many employees may not know warrants intervention from immediate supervisors and the human resources department.”  -- Jo McMahon, San Francisco

Question: “I don’t want to be the office computer expert for the nonprofit organization where I work. I’m tired of helping people who don’t have computer skills. This is a small office, and none of the people asking for help is in my department or in any way associated with what I do. “Most of the time the questions aren’t related to work. They want me to show them how to download pictures of their grandchild from an e-mail or how to rotate an image. They also want me to show them the advanced features of Word, such as mail merge. “I’ve paid my own money to take computer classes. I also obtained an office automation certificate while I was unemployed. I buy books on computer topics and read several magazines. These people don’t do any of these things. “Since I won’t share my computer skills, they’ve tried a slow down. If I need something, they delay or try to ignore my request. What should I do?” -- Anonymous