Something appeared in my inbox this week that sparked an opportunity to follow up on a post from last week –
Feedback: Why You Need It and What To Do With It. As an alumnus and faculty member of the
Georgetown University Leadership Coaching Certificate Program,
I’m a member of a Yahoo list serve in which all of us in the community
share resources and get advice from each other. It’s a wonderful
ongoing conversation from which I learn a lot.

Yesterday, one of our members put out a question about how to deal with
an executive coaching client who has received some clear developmental
feedback from colleagues that doesn’t square with his self-image. As my
colleague described it, his client spent his energy in the feedback
session comparing all of the constructive comments to his own standards
and arguing that everyone offering the feedback should be more like him.
By
definition, executive coaches coach executives. Most executives have
become executives because they’re smart and focused and driven to
succeed. Sometimes, their track record of success reinforces a
self-perception that they’re right all or most of the time and that
everyone else should get with their approach and program.
Needless
to say, it can be really difficult for executives who fit this profile
to accept feedback that suggests they’re less than perfect. Here is
what I think I’ve learned over the past 10 years about coaching an
executive who argues with the clear consensus point of view in their
feedback and spends all of their energy arguing about how people should
be acting or thinking:
It’s important to understand the difference between what “should” be and what is.
The fact of the matter is that if, when given the chance to provide
anonymous feedback, 10 to 20 people have a consensus point of view on
what you need to change to be a better leader, that’s what is.
Their perception is your reality.
If you get tough feedback and you want to keep your team engaged and on
board, you’re going to have to change your behaviors to change their
perception.