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Getting an irate customer or prospect to listen is a source of frustration experienced by everyone in business, from senior executives to frontline service providers. Often logic, flattery, forcefulness, and even pleading lead nowhere. But there are ways to get through to even the most resistant people, contends Mark Goulston, author of the new book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. He offers these techniques to improve your customer service standards:

• “Do you really believe that?” When a person launches into an out-of-control rant about an awful problem or unbearable situation, simply ask, “Do you really believe that?” The trick is to ask this question in a very calm and straightforward way. Your intent is not to antagonize or degrade, but to make the ranter stop and realize that he or she is really making a mountain out of a molehill. Once in a rare while, the response may be a firm “yes.” If that happens, you should really listen to what that person has to say.
  
  
• Saying “hmmm.” When you encounter a person who’s outraged and blames you, take a deep breath and say, “Hmmm.” Unlike “calm down” and similar phrases that make an angry person angrier, “hmmm” can rapidly turn a potential brawl into a cooperative dialogue. It tells people that what they’re saying is worth listening to and worthy of some sort of action.
  
  
• The stipulation game. A stipulation is what lawyers make when they agree up front on a problematic fact, like a defendant’s fingerprints on a murder weapon. It’s a smart technique because when people already know your problem, your best move is to get it out of the way. When you stipulate to a potential problem, whether it’s a lack of experience or a personal flaw, do it with confidence. The more self-assured and relaxed you are, the easier it will be for everyone to focus on your message. Stipulation takes courage, but the payoff is big. You’ll turn defects into assets and empower people to view you as a person rather than a problem.
  
  
• The power of “thank you.” There’s nothing wrong with simply saying thank you. But if you stop there, your communication is merely transactional (you did something nice for me, so I’ll say something polite to you). When you offer a “power thank-you,” your words will touch the other person and strengthen the relationship between you. A power thank-you has three parts: 1. thanking the person for something specific that he or she did for you (or refrained from doing something that would have hurt you); 2. acknowledging the effort it took for the person to help you; 3. telling the person the difference his or her act personally made to you.