Why are you doing something you hate? It is not mandatory. Don't go.

I agree completely. Life is too short to tolerate an uncomfortable situation.

Ah but what do you do when the HR person is part of the problem

I agree with Linda. See if others feel the same way, and if there are several of you who feel frustrated that is the same old thing every year, talk to the planners to see if it can be changed. We started do to this a few years ago. Instead of a boring Christmas dinner at a restaurant, we now have games at the event. We have played The Newlywed Game, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (with employees as the contestants, obviously), and this year we had the event at a restaurant that has one of those Murder Mystery Dinners. I was like you, dreading these events. But now I find them to be a lot of fun, since it is new and exciting every year.

I face this challenge every year at Christmas time. I feel that if I want to participate, and put my personal time on hold to attend a non-mandatory work event, then whatever I want to do should be my choice. I do not attend these events, due to my wanting to be with my family at this time of year, not those whom I work with 8-9 hours a day.

It isn't that I don't like the people I work with, as a matter of a fact I like them very much. I would just rather be with my family. It should not have any effect on your job or your standing with in a company, if it isn't mandatory.

Angela, I know how you feel, I have felt that way many, many times before. But, I had to suffer some of the events. I did by changing my perspective. I wanted to grow in the company, I wanted to become a manager. So, I placed myself on that path. I took on more responsibilities and I went to company events, stayed a little time, about 90 minutes then leave. That satisfied my obligation and I left and that was it.

So, as I said its up to you, ask yourself, what is your goal within the company.

What if there is a cover charge?

My company is privately held and our owner's wife takes great pride in the dramatic preparations for having the Christmas party at a nice hotel with all the bells and whistles. They have assigned seating and I never get to sit with my friends and the entire party is one I endure every year - some years better - some years worse. I would much rather pass on this event altogether, but I could not get out of it without appearing like a spoil sport and a dissenter (I think we are expected to be grateful).

My point here is even though I don't like it one bit, I still show up, put on my plastic smile, clap at all the appropriate times, eat a nice meal and go home. You are always noticed when you make a point of not showing up for company events. I would rather be uncomfortable for a couple of hours than spend all that time and energy dodging an event that could possibly hurt my career or have me appear as less than a team player. This is just my opinion - "suck it up and go" :)

This is a risky thing for your company to do. It is making it required to attend if you want to get paid. If someone gets hurt or drinks too much they could be liable.

Wow... I'm sure if many of you truly feel this way, please do yourself, and others, a favor and stay home. I'm serious and not be sarcastic at all. As someone that spends countless work and personal hours listening to suggestions, making the arrangements for the events, and planning every last detail of these events throughout the year, I would personally prefer those that have a sour attitude, stay home. It takes thousands of dollars to put on any event for my company. This year, we're really scaling back and having a more intimate family get together for the holidays. Instead of a grand dinner and dancing and expensive entertainers, we're doing an evening BBQ event where the children and freinds are invited. Yes, Santa is coming to visit with the kids too. In these tough economic times, I'm just a bit surprised of the ungrateful responses I'm hearing. It's rather sad really if you think about it. Perhaps I'm just thankful that I'm still employed. =\

Kristi,

I also am thankful I have a job. We try to plan simple events at a local park and do a potluck so the kids can have something to do - we have quite a brood between all of us, but a wide age range - and the adults can relax.

I also know how hard it is to plan something like this. My employer has 500 employees, so we break ours down to departmental get-togethers and we have a solid relationship within our department. Our up-chain has tried several times to get all of us together, but we don't feel we really have anything in common with their staff.

I agree 100% With Kristi. Stay home whinners. Maybe you could do something about enjoying yourself instead of complaining and blaming others for your unhappiness. Be proactive and suggest ways to enhance the experience instead of hiding on the other side of an internet connection.

Kristi, it's unfortunate that you sum up not wanting to be at a party as being ungrateful. No so. Our livestyles are different and our "let your hair down and hang out" styles are different as well. I don't drink, smoke, use curse words, foul language and avoid intentional insults that hurts people but no one will say much because it is coming from upper management. The Scripture says to be kind to one another and to love one another. It also says to keep our words pure and simple. Not to be drunkards of wine and debauchery. In line with these, it is easier to not participate in events, especially outside of the office hours to keep yourself pure and clean rather than subject your ears and heart to unnecessary language. Furthermore, you cannot change others, and you one should not try. If others want to follow your life style that is okay, but you cannot dictate others to follow yours. Having said all that, while we are grateful for the jobs we have, ultimately, we are only answerable to one Authority in the end and sometimes, it is better to be the "odd ball" in the crowd here than to be rejected in the ends of times. For those who feel that you need to compromise your belief, faith or lifestyle for the sake of getting ahead - think on this - if God truly wants you to have this job, no one can stop you from attaining it - not even your boss who might also be the owner of the company. Is anything too hard for the Lord? A little faith took little lonely David to not only conquer Goliath, but also Israel. Be true to who you are and God will take you places you thought you'd never attain.

I enjoy attending functions that are held during business hours - luncheons, mainly - but for evening events it is a different story. We have a large place now & livestock to tend. My spouse travels much of the time. I got tired of making excuses at the office and simply said, "We just can no longer accept weeknight invitations." That has reduced our stress considerably. When we lived in a subdivision and didn't have animals to care for, we enjoyed going out during the week but now it is really a burden. We live way out in the sticks now. Also, like many others we never imagined that gas would end up costing so much and that is a factor also. Anyway, my employer has been understanding about it & that is a great relief.

Hey, if the company will pay for the caterer and a good cleaning crew, I'll drink to that! 8-)

I too do not enjoy work holiday parties. Ours is always held offsite in the evening, at an upscale hotel, dress is black tie. Everyone spends hundreds of dollars on their outfits and hair/makeup. To make it worse you have to pay for your spouse to go. Participation declines every year. Did I mention I work in HR? However, we are not involved with the holiday party planning. I am involved with the employees, work many hours and attend event's that are during working hours. I dont feel I should have to attend this event to show that I am a social person and have been very successful in my career with my current employer.

I'd rather save the money and spend the time with my family.

You shouldn't be obligated to go especially if there is a charge. I work as staff in higher education. As staff, we really don't care to go to the holiday luncheon but it is a nice way to get out of the office and the faculty pay for our lunches as part of our holiday gift. We have no input on where the faculty have the lunch so when they asked us to pay for it one year we all said sorry. There was just no way on our small salaries that we could afford the luncheon plate fee.

If you really hate going or can't afford to go, there should be no reason why you should.

Another malcontent in the crowd, I see. If your holiday parties/picnics/etc are anything like ours, its nothing more than a chance for cliques and groups of people to have the opportunity to directly snub those they don't like because they're not "at work" and aren't held to a standard of "office civility." I know a woman that I work with who smiles in my face and makes chit chat every day of the year in the office, but will ignore me and look the other way if I say "hello" at an after-hours or weekend work function.

Your problem with other people is, by definition, your problem...not theirs.

I worked for a very small company where the owners loved to ski. The company outing consisted of an all day ski trip. As I don't like to ski (yes, I know how), don't like the cold and didn't want to be gone from 4:30 am to 8:00pm I elected not to go. Since I was the only one who didn't go, I was told that since I didn't want to participate, I could stay and work that day-covering everyone else's jobs.

Needless to say I no longer work there!

In answer to Jean...a cover charge that is asnine of your company to host a party and want you to pay a cover charge!

I have been the "hostess" for every company picnic, dinner or holiday party for almost 15 years, yes they are a lot of work and I am usually "working" through the whole event and No I don't like all of my coworkers but I still go, enjoy myself even though I am "working" and tell the boss thank you for everything! I figure I can give up one night a year for my job, my husband's employer is bigger than mine and they have had 1 holiday party and 1 picnic in 25 years. This year they have cut back on holiday parties and only management and corporate staff will be having one and if you don't think this hasn't caused some rumblings the hourly employees are getting a lunch and small gift card...not quite the same as dinner & dancing with their spouse.

If nothing else at least put in an appearance as it is noticed when you don't attend company functions!

Dear All, let's keep in mind that for many companies this is all they do for their employees all year long, and they feel that their employees enjoy it so they keep doing it each year.

Even though you may not enjoy it because of your social calendar and your many reasons, there are employees who can't wait for these events because they don't have the close bond family circle you have. They may not have the personality you have that shy away from these events.

Remember a company is made up of all types of personalities and there are personalities that feel that if these events do not occur then the company do not value them as an employee.

I do believe its unfortunate when companies expect you to pay for any part of this event, but far be it for me to tell you how to react, I would suggest that you react based on your belief, your personality time, your needs and the culture of your company.

But, as a person who plans events for my company, I hear and see the need for them and I also see the looks on our employees faces when these events are taken away.

Miriam

The original question did state whether or not this was a holiday party or a team building event offsite. I have to side with Kristi and Mary Ann on this one. I am the one at our school that organizes our holiday party, back to school retreat for our faculty and staff twice a year. It is held during normal work hours and it is meant to be an opportunity for our employees to know how much we appreciate them, build community and also to help us focus on our mission and for us, that is the students. Hours of time are spent organizing and planning, not to mention the outlay of cash that the employer spends, which they could easily add to their own personal bonus. Whether we are in tough economic times or living in the land of fruit and plently, you should attend the event even if it is after hours.

The social events held by a company are still business events, so I would recommed that you at least put in an appearance. By not going to an event, you may be viewed by your boss as someone who is not a team player or anti-social. I know that if I will myself to have a good time, I usually do. Attitude means a lot. So smile, appreciate that the Company offered such an event (some companies do not offer social events or holiday parties and they parties are missed when they are taken away), and have a good time.