Here’s a quick lesson and guide:
- Write down one characteristic of yourself that you’d like to change.
- Consider your own history— from birth order to work and values —to better understand yourself.
- Try to spot influences that might have contributed to the characteristic you’d like to change.
- Record at least one insight and resolution from this exercise.
Now you’re ready to do some growing up.
If you tend to over-accommodate people:
- Pick a new idea or opinion, commit yourself to expressing it and do it.
- Confront an employee who isn’t performing well. Explain the task, lay out how and to what standard you need it done, review the status if it’s lagging, give a deadline and enforce it.
- Make time to listen to your inner voice and learn what you think.
- Propose an initiative or two to motivate your team.
- Resist caving in the next time you tangle with somebody.
- Share an idea, plan or problem with a colleague to develop trust.
If you tend to dominate others:
- Take time to get to know the people you work with.
- Take at least 15 minutes a day (their least busy 15 minutes) to walk around the workplace and check in with people. Find out about their lives as well as their work.
- The next time you tangle with somebody, focus on your own behavior and stifle whatever you normally do that fuels conflict.
- Build individual relationships. Say, “I care about you. How can I help?”