Question: “I have been with my company for 14 years. Two years ago I fell down a flight of stairs and injured my back. I walk with a cane and experience chronic pain. I've missed 35 days of work this year. My absences are covered by FMLA but have caused my relationship with my boss to deteriorate. She says I am “unreliable” and she “never knows” when I’ll be in. This hurts my feelings, stresses and depresses me. I love my job, but I feel like such a pariah. When I asked for accommodations like a flexible start time, her response was: "What are you going to do for us in return?" Nothing was done. I am our household’s main bread-winner so resigning is not an option. My boss and I used to be good friends. How do I get her to understand I do not take time off just to make her miserable?” – Patti
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
that’s true, i didn’t think about that…there are alot of companies that are going big on “disability” and diversification….
The first mistake is being friends with your boss, it’s like being friends with your teenager…eventually the authority figure has to come into play and it can get sticky. Second, your boss is not very sensitive to your situation but I think it’s very common in the workplace. She shoudl know you’re hardworking and loyal after the 14 yrs vs. 35 days. Of course, maybe suggesting taking working from home when you can’t be there so it doesn’t affect the flow and get everyone behind. Sometimes what come around goes around, hopefully you get back to recovery and find yourself another job.
In the current economic climate the unfortunate truth is that most companies are asking managers to do more with less. There may not be budget for temps and as a result coworkers have to pick up the load when someone is not in. Some areas (I live in one) don’t have temp agencies. If you are calling in because you just can’t do it today, that may not be compatible with the way a company has temps set up. I think your manager used some unfortunate wording. She is probably very frustrated on several fronts. As a friend she is probably frustrated that her friend is suffering and she can’t do more for you. As a supervisor she is frustrated that her deadlines have not changed but one of her go-to people is no longer there every time she needs you. For the flexible start time develop a plan. If others are having to pick up your work because of a flexible start time, you need to present a plan that encompasses what you will do for them when you come in to compensate them for the time they had to do your work. If no one needs to cover for you, then your plan needs to detail how you are going to rearrange your work load so it fits into your flex hours. Put together a draft and meet with your supervisor to get her input. Work together to come up with a plan that will work for all. Document what you have done, times you met, plans you have offered, plans she has offered, etc. If you eventually need to sue, this will help your case. My interpretation of flex time is working your full work schedule in alternate hours. If in fact what you are asking for a reduced work schedule, that may be more difficult for a company to accommodate and I am not sure it legally fits under reasonable accommodations. While it would not hurt to get legal advice on what your rights are and how you should proceed, a lawsuit should never be the first step.
On one hand, if 35 days have been missed between January and May, then quotes like “unreliable” and she “never knows” when you’ll be in, although they may be hurtful to hear, the statements are absolutely accurate. It’s not your fault at all, but the statements would both be true. They are tough to hear, but they are true. If you step back and look at it completely objectively, you’d see where she was coming from. (Of course, keep in mind, the reliable comment is not saying your work is unreliable, just your attendance.) But it’s going too far for her to ask, “What are you going to do for us in return?” I am guessing that she does not fully understand FMLA. I agree 100% with the response from “been there”. Rather than make threats, I think the best bet is to do all that can be done to work with her and come up with a plan that works well for all involved – the company, the supervisor, and you. Threats, complaints, and litigation should always be the last step. If you were formerly close with her, can you schedule a private after-work dinner or coffee with her, so you can talk about it outside of work, in a neutral, personal environment? Try to re-connect on a personal level. A key point is that when discussing the issue, try to look at it from her perspective as much as you want her to look at it from your perspective.
Samantha – I think your comments are way off base – I really hope you are not a supervisor! Do you tell your employees “Don’t come back until you’re 100%!”?? LOL
Granted, I’m sure we all wish people would/could stay home until they are 100% better, but what if she’ll NEVER be 100%? This could be something that she has to deal with forever, than what? Are you suggesting she quit and become homeless so she’s not a burden on her employer because she’s not at 100%?
At least give the OP the benefit of the doubt, and constructive advice instead of “Stay home until you’re 100%” Sheesh!
I think the OP should talk to her direct supervisor, prepare a manual and SOP’s for her duties/tasks, cross train the other admins in her office….
I would only suggest to go to HR or your union rep as a last resort….
Another comment from me: Patti, your company is responsible for hiring enough people to cover your desk in case of either a planned or unplanned absence. That is why there are temp agencies and floaters. There is no need for a lawsuit, just a meeting with HR and your supervisor.
I echo Susan’s sentiments: work with your manager and be responsible and “there” when you are at work. Avoid distractions when in the office and try to schedule appointments outside of work hours as much as possible. You have to take the emotions out of the equation and try to come to some common ground with your boss for a win-win solution – friendship can’t be your concern now, especially if you really need the job. That being said, call it retaliation, hostile work environment…it is an ADA violation to not provide you with appropriate and fair accomodation. Go to HR at some point if you have any loyalty to the company – they need to get this manager and possibly others some training to protect themselves. You going to HR doesn’t have to mean lawsuit. As for Samantha’s final comment, karma can be a b**tch and that is better for everyone!
It is always better to try and work things out while putting the other person’s perspective first. Why is everyone so quick to go the lawsuit route? It is so much less frustrating to come to an amicable solution than to think of a one way accomodation here. The work has to get done and that is what an employee gets paid for. Your boss is not obligated to like you or to be overly sympathetic. What would you do if you were the boss and had an enormous amount of work to get done and an employee that is busy going to HR because she is in pain? Stay home on disability until you can come back 100%. It’s better for everyone.
Can you spell R-E-T-A-L-I-A-T-I-O-N??? Go to HR right now, to make this behavior STOP. Where I work we have a VERY strict non-retaliation policy. Might want to check your Employee Handbook (if you have one), regarding retaliation policies. Otherwise, I suggest you call the nearest state Employers Council and ask about Federal/State retaliation policies. You can also go to state and federal websites to check for mandatory retaliation policies. GOOD LUCK! =)
Patti: I also suffer from a chronic medical condition so I understand what you are up against. My employer allows me to work a flexible schedule. Because of this I try to minimize disruptions to my schedule by making sure that doctor/dentist appointments are scheduled during my non-working hours. My husband, who works more hours per week than me, does at least 85% of the household chores so that I don’t miss work because of flareups. Also, I make sure I’m not seen out in public doing things that I say I can’t do at work. While I think it’s important to have a good, working relationship with your boss, you need to remember they’re your boss not your friend. Good Luck!
I think most of the negative comments about the boss are missing the point. I have had an emplyee that had absentee issues, some valid and some not but whether my dept is short staffed or not the person I report to still expects work to be done, period. There may be a couple of days allowances but the work still has to be completed. I agree with Samantha you need to have a plan in place to cover abscences & discuss this with your boss. I would suggest trying to find a way to accomodate your neccessary time off and work this out with your boss before going to HR &/or litigation. You can always use that as a last response but if the company can prove you are not giving a good faith effort there could be a disappointing outcome.
Thank you Anonymous!! This smacks of retaliation. To say that its too bad you hurt yourself but the work has to be done is inhumane and just downright cold. People who feel this way have never had an injury, but just wait, their time IS coming. If I were you I would talk to an attorney asap. This overinflated sense of entitlement isn’t what makes a company great….it makes it headed for disaster and ripe for takeover when it starts to crumble from the insenitivity. And it WILL happen if the company condones this attitude from its managers. Shame of those who lack the compassion for this injured person. You spank her first then offer suggestions. That’s just downright mean. Just wait till it happens to you. It will because your lack of compassion is drawing it to you. Talk to an attorney, Patti. Your boss’s comment was completely inappropriate. You need backup!
I agree with anonymous. Your company is just waiting for you to file a lawsuit. What your boss is doing to you is harassment. If you’re covered under FMLA, then it’s up to your company to start making arrangements when you are absent. If you work in a bigger company, I would ask for a meeting between your boss and a representative from HR. You can always contact your local EEOC office for advice. Good luck!
I agree with anonymous..my first reaction..how dare she?! If she is in HR, and even if she is not..she is management….she should know better. All of her comments border on illegal and you could eventually have a lawsuit aginst the company based on her behavior. If this treatment and the comments continue, it could be ruled as a hostile work environment. Many other laws/ lines of civility are being crossed as well. Good Luck to you and don’t “Stress Out”.
What she is doing is considered Retaliation and if you are in the USA it is illegal Companies are required to make Reasonable accommodations for all employees with life altering disabilities. I would suggest discussing the issue with your HR department and upper management. It is their responsibility to make sure your boss is following these rules.
While her overall attitude is inappropriate, you can answer her question with a request… Telecommuting. Maybe as part of your flexible start time you can work from home on those days when getting up, showered, and in the car is hard for you.
I suffer from arthritis that pulls my spine out of alignment in extremely painful ways. This doesn’t mean that I can not work, it just means that I can not drive or sit at my desk. Reclining on my recliner with my laptop on my lap. This actually allows me to do more work than if I was in the office at my desk in a lot of pain.
I have been able to get my doctor to document this and therefore makes it easier for my company to implement.
All you have to do is show real commitment for your job, stay late every once in a while, go the extra mile, be extra pleasant and willing to do things. Bosses are sympathetic to a certain extent but we come to work to get work done. If you’re spending a lot of your time getting sympathy from others or wanting her to give it to you then you’re not behaving professionally. Perhaps you should wait to ask for more flex time schedules and days off until you’ve been back at work for some time. You’ve already missed 35 days. Once you’ve got some time put back in and show some real incentive and positive attitude I’m sure your boss will adjust. It takes time. Going down the “this is illegal route” will only make your attitude worse and potentially impact your job for performance reasons. Your boss has his/her own deadlines and pressures at home and at work.
Are you in the USA? If you are, then her asking what you’re going to do in return for your request for accomodations due to a disability borders on illegal. My company bends over backwards for people with a disability even if they don’t ask for anything. I hope you can work things out with your boss cause it might be her looking for another job.
I really feel for you and I'm sorry your boss doesn't have more sympathy for your situation–If she's avoiding looking you in the eye, make her look at you and see your hurt, but also that you want to work together with her to make arrangements for coverage when you have to be out!
An accident can happen to any of us at any time, and she should realize she is not helping matters by adding to your stress.
It's impt that you manage your stress! My husband had horrible back pain too (the damage was the result of an accident too) But his pain was made far worse by … STRESS and esp. the fear it would never improve! He had surgery for damaged disks, when that didn't help he was in even greater despair. It wasn't until he found and followed the advice of John Sarno, MD and learned to manage his stress/tension (with exercise and other strategies like eating anti-inflammatory foods) that he finally got true relief.
Sarno is the author of the book Healing Your Back which my husband rereads when he has a flare up. But you can start today by researching Sarno's work online and following his pain management suggestions. Back pain especially is made worse by stress & tension (Sarno calls it "tension myositis syndrome") Your pain can improve. Here's a link to an interview with Dr. Sarno…. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/478840 Best of luck to you, Patti.
While I am certain that your boss is sympathetic for you, the fact remains that the work still needs to be done. What did you say when she asked what you would do in return for a more flexible schedule? If it were me, I would feel incredibly guilty about the work not getting done and I would offer to do everything I could to make up for the loss of time. Have you been able to delegate some of your work? Have you put processes in place that will enable the work to get done whether you are physically there or not? Offering up solutions when asking for something would be my recommendation.
There are three of us in our department who have medical problems that require time off work, for appointments, Physical Therapy, procedures. We all try to give our boss as much time as we can when documenting upcoming medical absences, if possible. Sometimes you can only call in and not come in. I have found that if I have everything in place at my area and eassily labled, so my supervisor or co-worker can find needed info, this helps. I advise them where certain hot button items can be found, usually a stand up above my desk, and all contact numbers are listed inside each file. When I had emergency surgery and was out for 4 weeks, they were able to handle my share of the load with no fires burning out of control. Plan ahead. Work each day with the idea that you may be off tomorrow and someone will have to fill in for you. cross-train other co-workers. It will show your supervisor you know you have problems that need attention, but are willing to make sure the company will run smooth or fairly smooth in your absence.
I’m interested in reading the comments here as I am on intermittent FMLA because I am facing slow but sure paralysis from the waist down and I am worried that I will be in this boat also!!