Question: "My boss bad-mouths me to his direct reports. This puts me in an awkward situation and undermines me as a person and his executive assistant. How should I handle this?" — Christina
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
If he bad mouths you, the right hand person, then the people that are hearing this probably won’t trust him. That is not a good representation of a leader.
Talk to him, get it all out in the open, and stay focused on the matter at hand. Make sure you have examples and leave the emotion out of it. Sometimes people don’t realize they are being out of line until someone points it out. Give him the benefit of the doubt and express your boundaries.
I can empathize; currently I work with a supervisor who constantly talks about others in a negative light. A group of employees took tapes of her, logs of events and confronted the superior. The supervisor was put in place but it has started again. It is difficult working in this environment but I just do my work, speak to others as I would like to be spoken about. I actively keep looking for another position but keep alliances in check. People who speak ill of others will have their day; we all wish sooner than later.
Talk to him! Why dance around the issue? Perhaps if he is aware that you are aware of what is being said, he will stop. We used to have someone who would back-stab several people. Once she became aware that all these people knew what she was saying about them, the number of comments dropped dramatically. Often people will not bad-mouth you, even when it is a boss, if they are aware you will find out about it.
little girl, you need to take a deep breath, grab your self-respect in both hands and confront her/him! if you don’t think you can struggle through this w.o crying, take a page from ‘Ann Landers’ print your reply and hand it to them to read! you deserve respect. you deserve answers.
if you are a good worker, doing a good job they will want to keep you – maybe they are not even aware of how hurt you are. maybe the ‘rumors’ are untrue? you won’t know til you ask.
if you truly feel so intimidated, so unhappy, and your situation is that hopeless, why stay? nothing is worth the loss of yourself.
First be sure you are providing the service you think you are. Ask him/her for feedback; dont be emotional but ask if you are falling short in any area. Is this new behaviour from your boss or have you been dealing with this for along time. If you want to stay, let him/her know you want to be a team and do everything you can to create a good working environment for both of you. If you are tired of it, do the best job you’ve ever done while looking for a new one.
Empathizing With You : I’ve been in this same boat as you for 14 years.
Christina:
Don’t try to fight a fight you can’t win. Obviously you need your job. My advise is keep you head low. Do what you are told, providing it is ethical. Remember, you may not be able to change the situation but you can change how you respond to it. Shut down the gossip, don’t listen to the person that is telling you this stuff. A true friend would not fill your head with all this negative ****! Have a good weekend and think positive thoughts.
Can you set a meeting with him and mention you feel there is a lack of communication and you’d like to improve this and ask how he thinks the two of you can best achieve this for a quality outcome for the both of you? Can you talk to his exec asst and ask her the same? It’s a hard situation. Don’t go to either with your emotions on your sleeve. Prepare yourself in the most professional way and practice before you go in. Some bosses are just terrible and you should probably start looking around for another job as well. Good luck.
By no means should you stand for being “bad-mouthed” by your supervisor. The question I would ask is, “why”? I would set-up a meeting with him and simply ask him why all the negative remarks. If the reasons are valid such as, work performance or attendance then that is something you can and should improve on. If the reasons are more of a personal matter than it should be brought to the attention of the Human Resources Department. Either way, make sure to document the meeting by a follow-up email stating how to improve communications. This lets your supervisor know you’re serious about not only your work performance but also about gaining respect in the workplace.
Are you certain that is what is happening? Has this information come from a reliable source? If yes, it is clearly time to talk to your supervisor about it. Perhaps he confided in one of his colleagues and they blabbed to their assistant, and the news made its way back to you. He may have had an issue with something that you had done but didn’t feel it was a big enough deal to talk to you about it. My advice is to clear the air…you’ll be glad you did!
I understand exactly how you feel as the same thing has happened to me on numerous occasions. Unfortunately, I’m in a work environment where it’s best to keep my mouth shut and ignore my bosses behavior but it still hurts my feelings and makes me angry. If I had more nerve, and I was not in such a political office environment, and I could afford to loose my job if push came to shove, I think I would like to sit down with my boss and let them know how I feel and that if they have a problem with me, I would greatly appreciate it if they would address me first and try to work it out. This is a hard thing to do because I often feel so intimated by my bosses but, if you have the nerve, this might be one approach. Talk to your boss directly and let him/her know how you feel. I wish you the best and you are not alone!
Have you talked to him, and asked him why he does this? I would tell him, as his assistant you are a team, and your relationship is a partnership. As such, if he undermines and speaks ill of you, he is indirectly painting himself in a negative light as well. Let him know that if there any problems he should be telling you not others, so that you can work it out together and come together a united front rather than something disjointed. If he expects you to be an effective assistant and watch his back for him, he has to watch yours. And, if others don’t respect you because of him, that will just make your job more difficult in taking care of him. Sell it so that it looks like he is the one losing out by doing this.
I think his behavior is rude and uncalled for. I couldn’t work for someone who showed so little respect for me. I almost might ask him why he does this and if your aren’t satisfied with the answer, seek advice from Human Resources. If you don’t get any satisfaction there, start looking for another position. I know the job market is tough but I would not want him to put me in such an awkward position. Besides, there should be a mutual respect between you and your boss. Good Luck!