Question: “I am the youngest person in my office. Most of the staff is in their 50’s. Three of the staff members are especially difficult to work with. They walk around the office as if the rules do not apply to them, acting as though they are better than everyone else. When the “ring leader” of the group is mad at another employee the others follow and will not speak to that staff member. The “ring leader” refuses to answer the phone and sits on her cell phone all day. I have never in my life seen other people act this away.
How do you deal with staff like this? You kill them with kindness and it make them even worse. You don’t speak to them and they just stare at you when they walk by and talk about you behind your back. I try not to let them get to me, but I can’t help it. It does bother me. I have even thought about looking for another job because of them.” — Karen Dean
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I know what you mean, I have a coworker who constantly belittles me, acts like I am a moron, points fingers at everyone but herself and when I do something right she takes credit. I have been looking for another job because of this plus I have had stuff stolen out of my office and my stuff vandalized. I report everything and it either gets blown off or I get told it is my fault. Find something else before it gets to this point.
I too am having the same problem at work and its driving me crazy. I had a meltdown the other day and I know for sure that without me always correcting the every day issues our department would completely fall apart. Unfortunately as much as I have tried to find a different job I have had no luck what so ever, so NOW I am bound to silence. I only associate with them when I need to and that way my manager who is also involved in this type of behavior cannot put me down. I still feel the manager herself has it out for me and everyone else follows. Its very upsetting. Yesterday I had a break down in our HR Office and her answer was to suck it up, apologize and not care if I am the only one being treated so meanly. I refuse to apologize so right now until I can find another position I am stuck dealing with these childish 40 and 50 year olds.
WOW Thanks everyone for your advice. My HR department will do nothing about this situation and my boss knows about the issue. We are working thru this problem and since my boss has be involved things are getting better by the day. My boss and several other supervisors are always thanking me for doing a great job. It is compliments like this that keep me here.
I think I work with Karen. And if so the HR dept is not going to do anything. I hope Karen does not go because she is one of the positive ones I am hanging onto.
That is too bad that we still live in a society that grown adults act like they are still in High School. Think about the politics in school, it just used to make me want to focus more on my work and ignore the politics. In the career arena, if you do this, you will become the boss and the ring leader. Nobody has to like you but they do have to respect you and the objective of the job! Everything you do that connects to them in some way needs to be in writing, be it a project or deadline because cooperation is the key. Cover your assets and make sure to just focus on the job at hand. Stick with facts on all your collobration, related to the job and stay away from the emotion. You have a job to do and bills to pay with the money your earn. If they start to intefere with you getting your job done with not providing collobration to do your work, then take it to HR. You shouldn’t go anywhere, the bully needs to go not you! Remember, what others say or do is a reflection of their own perception. Become immune to the games and you will survive.
Unfortunately, this is a more wide spread problem than most executives realize. First, at the top level, most executives just flat don’t care. They want the work and support done period. They rarely will get involved in this sort of situation. HR will not do anything either. Too many legalities. If you complain, you are a complainer. You are expected to handle this situation on your own and often there really isn’t anything you can do. I, too, worked in this same situation. The “Ring Leader” was actually protected by her former boss, the president. No matter what she did, or her co horts she was guaranteed a job and at the high level. When he was “retired” she was not given the president’s assistant job but the next most prestigious. She has no experience in that field and it took the job away from the person who had worked it for 10 years. I saw one lady take short term disability because she suffered a breakdown due to the constant harrassment and mean spirit from these “ladies.” I did go to HR and frankly, HR didn’t care – if I wasn’t happy in my current situation of 5 years I could always leave! So being an over 50ish person, I did just that – left. It is a real shame that executives will not get involved. An assistant is just as important as anyone else in the company. There are no other within a company where such behavior is tolerated or ignored! If you choose to stay and “fight” then document and stay out of their way.
Joyce,
Great advice!! I agree with your reply. I have these types of folks in my office and I don’t let their “sad sack” behavior/attitudes guide my thinking to leave my job. If you love your job, that’s where you should place your focus–not on the bad behavior unless it prevents you from accomplishing your duties. If it’s a hostile environment and their job duties are forced upon you, then I would definitely contact HR for mediation. With the way your feeling, I would discuss w/HR.
Dana
I believe that in this instance there is something that HR can do, because there is a performance issue at hand, given the statment about the coworker refusing to answer the phone at times. I would encourage you to speak with HR about it, and then if nothing changes, look for another job. The ladies may end up being spiteful anyway if they are professionally told to grow up.
that is so true i agree
it happened to me and guess what
I was a tattler for a while but now i get respect and
the childish behavior has ceased!!
My office can be like this sometimes as well. One person inparticular is the oldest individual in the office and I am the youngest. The person acts extremely childish and will lash out LOUDLY when anybody disagrees with them or confronts them about something. It’s crazy! The one thing that I have never let them do is walk all over me. As soon as it happens, I say “this is very unprofessional the way this is being handled. If you want to have a discussion about this, let’s do it somewhere private where our customers and co-workers are not the audience. And i’d appreciate it if you’d give me the same respect that I show you”. That pretty much straightens them up every time. And if it doesn’t, then I email or ask my supervisor to mediate, only if it’s necessary. When you do this, you are not being confrontational. It also makes you viewed as a responsible, professional adult! I’ve been told that the way I handle these situations is remarkable and I only wish others would handle things this way. I hate watching other co-workers get walked all over because they do not stand up to the bullies. I can tell you that this specific bully hasn’t had another public outburst with me since. Good luck. All you can do is stand up for yourself, and portray yourself in a professional manner, or find another job.
I have to say that hallgirl has is spot-on. “If you can’t live with it or change it, you need to leave it.” Life is too short to spend so much time at work with this behavior. Jobs are not easy to come by but it would be worth pounding the pavement looking for a better situation than being this stressed out! Not worth it!!
Don’t you just hate those work places where everyone seems to excuse or ignore that one, negative, toxic individual? They only get away with it because no one has ever put them in check. Every one walks around and says things like “oh, that’s just how he/she is.” As though all is forgiven because this person never learned how to play nice.
If you’ve exhausted all your options (HR/Union-if applicable), then start standing up for yourself. My experience has been that people like this are insecure, scared, wanna-be bullies. Their home life is miserable and they have not learned to check their problems at the door each morning.
If you like your job then stand up for yourself. Human nature is quite predictable. Once the ring leader has been put in their place everyone else falls in line. No matter how old they are. They need to know that you are not intimidated by them. Only you can demonstrate that.
I’ve been working a long time and it still amazes me when employers tolerate these toxic individuals. We must all work to stop this trend.
I was in a situation exactly like yours. It took me seven years to wise up – and I regret that I let myself be miserable for that long, because my current job is amazing. I realized that even though they were older, it had nothing to do with age – these people were miserable and were intent on making anyone who wasn’t wallowing in self-pity miserable, too. I went to my manager and HR, and it didn’t do any good. Usually if people are getting away with things like that, the company culture is lacking, too.
My advice is just to get out and move on. You don’t have to settle for this. It’s not going to get better.
Well in my office it is the other way around I am the 50 year old and it’s the 30 year olds that act this way, including my boss. I have worked for this company a long time and like my job – somedays it does get to me but like Joyce mentions I don’t let it get to me for very long. No matter where you go there will always be someone who will talk about you, someone who will be rude, mean, etc. , no matter what happens around you – you can still have a wondeful day. I focus on the other very wonderful people who are in my office. I have no control over anyone else but I do have control over how I react to and how I see my world. When things get rather crazy here I put on my headphones and listen to my music it helps me stop listening to all the negativity. I even place happy affirmations on my iPod to remind me what really is important. Good luck!
Get out before you become one of them!
Wow, not sure if my response is too late. It’s like reading about my office environment. I’ll be here 13 years in July and the things I’ve walked through isn’t even funny. Yes, I should have left, tried, but couldn’t find another job so leaving may not always be an easy option. The sad part about my job is our Union Reps ARE the bullies! We’re a small office. The thing that has worked for me is lots of prayer, trying different approaches, lots of crying at home, and working on my own attitudes. I tell people that God has me in an environment where he can stretch me and grow me and boy did I have a lot of growing to do. We have all age ranges–60′s, 50′s and sometimes down to 20′s but most of us are in our 40′s. The age doesn’t matter. I find the younger folks very disrespectful and the older ladies very cynical. I’ve learned not to trust anyone and those who are bullies, due to things that have happened to them over the years, I’ve actually come to appreciate. Two lessons learned: What comes around DOES go around–I’ve seen it happen, and this too shall pass. Good luck in your endeavors. Oh yeah, in my environment, yes, we had some people go to managers about the office bullies and boy did they receive a back lash from it. Created a lot of distrust in our small environment so who can say what’s right and wrong. Working with women is like working with a bunch of sisters who don’t get a long!
Unfortunately, I experience problems with the ‘older’ people at my office as well-and I am also the youngest. The response I receive from my supervisor, “That’s just the way they are, their job is their life” –I ‘just get over it’ sort of mentality. However, if it distracts you or prevents you from doing your job, I would complain as professionally as you can. eventually enough complaints will get someone’s attention. And if they hate you forever, at least you didn’t put up with it.
Three out of how many staffers? Every office has “difficult” individuals. Focus on the positive folks. Weigh the pros and cons of the job. If you choose to stay, ask your boss, or HR for direction on how to manage such behavior if you’re having difficulties dealing with it on your own. Are they aware of what’s going on? Ask yourself why does it bother you? How important are these people in your life, really. Their bad behavior says more about who they are and isn’t really about you, is it? Stay focused on doing your best at the job, and be happy that you’re not such a “sad sack” as these bullies; maybe even pity them. If you can’t change the environment, you have to start looking within. Just because someone attempts to victimize you doesn’t mean you have to be a victim. When they start in, think happy tunes, motivational sayings, jokes, cute photos, anything that makes you smile. I’ve actually won over “mean” people or have at least gotten them to leave me alone when they realize they can’t drag me down.
Understand there is NOTHING that you can say or do that will change their bad behavior. I recommend seeking the supervisor and/or HR on this matter…you will need this type of backing if you are going to confront the workplace bullies. And that is exactly what they are! As for not answering the phone…where is the supervisor and accountability. I dont care how long you have been at a job. It does NOT give anyone the right to treat others that way. If you believe it will not change their way and only make it harder on you…MOVE ON and get yourself out of that type of work environment. In the mean time, you keep doing what you are doing! Sounds like to me they are insecure about themselves and it makes them feel better when they are mean to others.
Have you considered talking to your direct supervisor? If you feel that is not an option, you can discuss with HR or your Union representative.
I would approach your direct supervisor and make them aware of the behavior. Nobody says we have to be best friends with our co-workers BUT being rude, ignoring co-workers & providing crappy customer service (by not answering the phones) should be reported to management.
I had a similar situation, once I brought it to my supervisors attention he made it very clear that the behavior was completely unacceptable. We ended up having a meeting with my supervisor, Union rep (for the other employee), the employee and their supervisor. It took a bit of time for everyone to “get over” that I had “tattled” but after some time, the office had a much different tone. (Does that make sense?)
Hopefully your supervisor will clarify everyone’s job duties; who is responsible for answering phones AND what the personal cell phone policy is….that may clear up a lot of that nonsense.
Hopefully you won’t classify these people because of their age. They were probably mean and spiteful when they were in their 20s. Like Anonymous said — sometimes all you can do is look for another place to work. And sometimes HR has no control over how these people act, I’ve not been in a workplace (and I’ve been in several) where people like this are going to change. The workplace attitude needs to come from the top down and obviously the “top” where you work either doesn’t know how these people act or doesn’t care. Some of the best advice I have ever heard about staying in a place goes something like “if you can’t live with it or change it, you need to leave.”
It amazes me how adults can behave sometimes…especially those in their 50s…you would think they would know better. Quite frankly, it may be time to start looking for a new job and in your exit interview I would totally be up front and honest (but professional) about why you are leaving!!
Sometimes older co-workers feel threatened by younger employees. I am 59 and work in an office with quite a few younger people. I really enjoy the younger employees and I think that is because they are very friendly and respectful to those of us who are more “seasoned”. If you are showing respect and doing your job, you might just be in an environment that is toxic and it is time to start looking elsewhere. There are plenty of offices where people of all ages get along very well as a team. Good luck.
You can do everything right and still be dissatisfied with your job. If you’ve tried everything in your power to make a situation work and you’re still unhappy, that’s when it’s time to leave. Situations can be salvageable, and it’s in your best interest to admit it and move on. Workers spend an average of 90,000 hours at work in their lifetimes. You owe it to yourself–and your health–to discover happiness on and off the clock.
That’s Inexcusable behavior, and very childish! Where is your HR department? Why have they not addressed this? You don’t have to tolerate that in a workplace. if HR can’t or won’t put an end to this you need to find another job.