Question: “A co-worker uses the monthly staff meeting as a forum to openly criticize my work unnecessarily. Unfortunately, when put on the spot, I become defensive rather than putting an end to her bullying. What can I say to her to stop these monthly put-downs? Should I tell her that if she has something to discuss with me, the staff meeting is not the proper forum and she should address her concerns to me privately?” — Anonymous
See Comments Below
Like what you've read? ...Republish it and share great business tips!
Attention: Readers, Publishers, Editors, Bloggers, Media, Webmasters and more...
We believe great content should be read and passed around. After all, knowledge IS power. And good business can become great with the right information at their fingertips. If you'd like to share any of the insightful articles on BusinessManagementDaily.com, you may republish or syndicate it without charge.
The only thing we ask is that you keep the article exactly as it was written and formatted. You also need to include an attribution statement and link to the article.
" This information is proudly provided by Business Management Daily.com: http://www.businessmanagementdaily.com/15515/how-do-you-come-back-after-a-put-down "
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I’d ask her if she has any time available this week, while opening my BlackBerry, to discuss and hopefully resolve. If this person purposely waits until staff meetings to bring up issues like that, it’s not very professional nor considerate to you. So, if the person has valid points and is interested in helping you correct your errors, it should be done with the two of you.
If you intend to say something in the meeting, I think I would be even more casual, “Let’s talk about that later.” What you suggested saying comes across to me as a little defensive and might even escalate the situation if she feels she is being put in her place in front of others.
These are all great suggestions. I totally agree. Ms. Bully sounds like she uses staff meetings to gain attention. What her agenda is really isn’t important. I would remain the consumate professional and ask it be discussed in the proper forum as Kristine suggested and if Ms. Bully continues, then I would take this situation to my manager. No one deserves to be bullied in a staff meeting. She needs to figure out what the issues are, address them with you and move on. I wish you the best in getting this resolved.
Speak up privately and always remain professional. Stay with facts and keep the emotion out. You may need a mediator to stay on track and keep things at a flow.
I would suggest that when this person criticizes you in public, you politely say that you would be happy to discuss this with her, in an appropriate forum. This will label you as a professional with class, and give her and other attendees the (subtle) message that staff meetings are not the appropriate time or place.
Say it just like you said it. Look right at her, “I do not feel the staff meeting is the proper forum to discuss this and I’d appreciate it if you’d address your concerns to me privately.” Make it very matter of fact as if it does not bother you. Don’t look at her once you’ve finished stating what you have to say. Then look around to everyone else and suggest the group move on to the next item of discussion. Everyone else will be applauding you inside their heads. It will be hard but you can do it. Practice at home in front of the mirror. If you’re still not sure you should talk to your immediate boss and ask him to back you up with him speaking up after you to say something like, “yes, I agree. Let’s move on.” Good luck.
If she is not your supervisor, but merely a co-worker, she needs to be focused on her own performance, NOT yours. It is not her job to focus on yours!
She may be a controller and feels that she can control you through her public criticism.
In addition to my previous comment. When talking to that person directly, be clear with her that you would prefer she discuss any issues she has with your performance directly. Be open to feedback and try to listen. Take the opportunity to maybe gain something from it. However, if her complaints go on and on or brought up at meeting level there may be another reason why she is doing this. Rather than guess I would discuss with my boss at that point.
I agree with Terri that staff meetings are not the appropriate venue for someone to point out what you are doing wrong. I also agree with your approach to talk to this person directly first. If you don’t see a change in their behavior at the next staff meeting, then bring your concerns to the attention of your boss. Last resort should be going to HR.
I would meet with my manager after the public putdown and ask him/her directly: Do you agree with Ms Bully’s assessment of my work in today’s staff meeting? If he does, then you need to have a frank discussion. If he says he does not, then ask him to correct Ms Bully so that it does not happen again and/or ask him to take it up with HER manager.
Chin up. Unfortunately, bullies sometimes don’t grow out of their bullying ways until someone bigger and more powerful than they are pushes them into changing. Good luck!
If it is any consolation, I have been in meetings where someone has been criticized as you describe, and the people who were present talk about the boorish behavior of the one being critical, and even defend the one being criticized. I would not speak to the Ms Bully because you do not answer to her. You answer to your manager – and just as importantly, she answers to hers. If the managers wimp out – and they often do – take your complaint to HR.
I do like how you wish to address it but I have something to add. Why isn’t your boss or supervisor stopping these put downs during staff meetings. Staff meetings are for updates on what projects staff are working on, what may be needed in the way of clerical support and any upcoming meetings that they need to be aware of or may need to provide information etc. Not for outbursts such as these. I would go to my director/boss and explain the situation and ask him/her to talk to the employee in private and if the situation continues they may wish to meet with both of you to resolve it. It isn’t right that this happening to you nor is it professional, mature or respectful.
Say it just like you wrote it. And don’t back down from it, and don’t elaborate on it. The coworker will get the message and you’ll feel better with your image after the meeting. (been there, did it)