Question: “One of my co-workers is jealous of me. I am young but very valuable to this company, and I get along with everyone but her. Lately, she’s been snooping around my desk, even though there is no reason for her to be at my desk. Any suggestions as to how I should handle this nosy and annoying co-worker?” — Anonymous
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Overall, on an administrative support level, jealousy is common among the administrative pool. Continue to project a mature, approachable, efficient manner about yourself and always communicate proactively, and keep your manager informed on your perceptions, as he/she will also be a huge mentor on directing you and if needed.
I totally agree with you Lynne. Perceptions are the key sometimes. I hesitate to even think someone is jealous at me…how can we know? Maybe there is something else going on and it would be interesting to hear the “annoying” co-worker’s point of view. I am not saying Anonymous complain is not legitimate, I’m just saying sometimes we need perspective, looking at the whole picture.
I have a coworker exactly like this – snoops around my desk looking for things. Found out when she loses things she looks at my desk and the secretary’s and mutters we probably lost it, when in fact she did. I haven’t caught her but one of my coworkers saw her doing this and suggested she wait until I return to ask me for whatever she is looking for. She never did ask me so she probably found it on her messy desk. If I catch her, and yes I am a very professional person, however if I catch her I will be asking her as sweetly as I can “May I help you find something on MY desk?” and stressing on the MY.
I found your comment of “I am young and very valuable to this company” a real slap in the face towards your co-workers. As our Director tells us everyone can be replaced including him so its important that we all work together for the good of the company and let pettiness be checked at the door. Are you talking about her or gossiping about the snooping if so that must stop immediately. Are you sure she is snooping, if so then go to her and ask her if there was something she needed. It sounds as if the real problem is an over inflated ego. Yes, there is an assumption of privacy but you work in a business there’s many time’s I or one of my co-workers need to go into my office area and search for something.
Not sure what my feelings are on this. I sort of lost the focus with “I am young and very valuable to this company”. If that is how you portray yourself to the “jealous” one it could be that jealous is not the way she is feeling towards or about you. In todays economy I have seen “valuable” employees that were not as valuable as they thought they were. Chances are if you feel like you are valuable to the company it is noticed that you may just think you are a tad better or less dispensable than some others there. That is not a good place to be in. With that said, it still does not give anyone the right to invade your personal space. I suggest you look at yourself to see if you are perhaps alienating her, and maybe others, by your demeanor and try to level your playing field. In the grand scheme of things, egos need to be checked at the door.
Interesting. I really have to applaud Lynne and Carrie. I had the same thoughts as the pair of them. I would be very interested to hear “the nosy coworker’s” side of things. I bet it might better explain things…..
Is there a way you can lock things up in your desk? Leaving things out can be a real draw for some people who need to know what everyone else is doing. You don’t have to like everyone you work with or vice versa, but what I would do is just be direct and approach her with the issue and maybe you can sit down and air things out. One of the problems with people today is they don’t mean what they say, or say what they mean. If that doesn’t work with her, then I would talk with a supervisor. Today so many people are so worried about their jobs so if she’s quite older, she might feel somewhat threatened by you. Co-workers need to communicate.
If you catch her “may I help you?” or “do you need something?.” Otherwise, “I heard you were looking for something at my desk; did you find what you where looking for?” whatever the response when you talk to her, “let me know if you need anything.” Just be polite and professional. Do you know she is jealous for a fact or is that an assumption? Perception can sometimes out weigh facts, but doesn’t make it right. You say you don’t get along with her not she doesn’t get along with you. People who are friendly towards you are not always your friends, and those who are tough does not necessarily make them your foe. Make an effort to get to know her better. You don’t have to like her to be able to work with her, you may learn something.
Starting out saying someone is jealous of you makes this difficult to respond to you. You state you are young but do you realize this is a very immature statement? What do you think she is snooping for? It doesn’t sound like she’s touching your things but more hanging around. Does she do this to others? How do you know she’s jealous? Maybe she’s intimidated by you. Maybe she’s curious about you and is trying to get to know you. Being valuable to a company means you extend efforts to get along with everyone in a professional manner. You don’t have to be her best friend but you do need to maintain mutual respect in the workplace. Why don’t you snoop her a little, nicely. Maybe you’ll find out what she really wants. It might turn out she’s just a nosie nelly and we all encounter someone that rubs us the wrong way at work. Whatever you do, do not share your jealousy thoughts with others at work – you could end up in HR if she hears you’re speaking badly of her.
I find it interesting that you say you are “young and valuable”. To have the attitude that you are more valuable then your other workers might be where the problem is coming from. Never think you are more liked than someone else. You will be unpleasantly surprised that you probably are not as well liked as you think you are. I think we need to help each other out to do the best possible job and check our ego at the door. Everyone is replaceable, expecially in today’s market.
If you catch her snooping, confront her with it. Not with anger or hostility, but firmly with straightforward honesty, and let her know you will report it to her boss if she continues. If you can’t catch her doing it, leave a note for her (that she can’t miss) that lets her know that you know what she is doing and to stop immediately. That is not acceptable behavior (unless she has reason to suspect you of doing something illegal, dangerous, or detrimental to the firm and other employees.)
I’m confused as to how you know she is jealous of you as opposed to some other emotion that might be at work. I find it interesting that you use the word annoying to describe her, as I don’t see how that is relevant, and I think it might shed some light into some feelings or issues you might be having with her other than the things you described. I also agree with Dena that there might be some generational issues here. I am not condoning her behavior, but without knowing why she is doing it or what the real dynamic of your relationship is, I feel it isn’t appropriate to immediately put the full blame on her. Perhaps there is something you are doing that she perceives as a cause for mistrust? I’m not trying to be rude, just expressing that maybe a little self-reflection might give more insight into what is really going on here. I don’t think it is as simple as it seems. Good luck!
I would say, “I noticed you looking around my desk. Is there anything I can get for you?” That way you are being polite, but yet still directly pointing out that you know she’s snooping around your desk. She knows you know what she is doing.
I have dealt with this myself in the workplace, I am usually the youngest admin assistant. Nobody likes confrontation, but if you don’t directly say something it will go on until you end up snapping at her. It may be easier to do in an email, or see if you two can go to lunch together one day – if not too akward – and address it that way. In my situation, ignoring this person didn’t help. I did the “kill them with kindness” thing and eventually we got to a comfortable place where I could hint around or joke on her annoying little habits. I defienetly get more privacy now and the animosity seems to be diminshing.
Avoid them like the plague. Going through your desk is an invasion of your privacy. Find out what your company’s policy is for “harassment”.
It might sound a little extreme but it’s best to nip it in the but before it leads into something more seriously.
“Jealousy is cruel as the grave.”
I find it interesting that you right after you said she was “jealous” you added that you’re “young.” There seems to maybe be some generational issues at work here. Are you, perhaps, alienating her which is causing her to mistrust you?