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13 applicants you don’t want to hire (plus 7 tips for decoding resumes)

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in Hiring,HR Management,Human Resources

You’d think stubborn unemployment would make it easier to find qualified applicants for almost any job opening. Alas, desperate times mean job-seekers are resorting to desperate measures to make their résumés stand out in a crowd.

Our friends at CareerBuilder.com recently asked HR pros and hiring managers to share recent résumé faux pas they’ve encountered. They unearthed some good ones. (Download our "Resume Score Card" to help you rank and sort applicants.)

As you sift through that growing stack of résumés that came flooding in after your latest want ad appeared, watch out for the applicant who:

  • Listed God as a reference (but sadly, didn’t provide a phone number)
  • Noted that her hobby was alligator watching
  • Claimed to be a direct descendant of Vikings
  • Asked to be contacted at an e-mail address with the handle “lovesbeer”
  • Touted his experience as “Master of Time and Universe”
  • Began an application by asking, “Do you want a tiger?”
  • Made a point of noting that he was not a gypsy
  • Had just one condition for accepting a new position: being allowed to bring his pet monkey to work
  • Ominously proclaimed, “I'll have your job in five years!”
  • Needed a 24-page résumé to highlight the accomplishments of a five-year career
  • Put a picture of her cat on top of her résumé
  • Declared himself “the LeBron James of table games”
  • Sent a video of him attempting to hypnotize the HR manager into hiring him.
Of course, it’s not usually quite so easy to spot iffy applicants based solely on their résumés. Sometimes you have to dig deeper. To help hiring managers spot charlatans, liars, cheats and other bad fits, feel free to share the following advice.

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